It was time. It was past time, really. Nathan knew that, but he just couldn’t seem to make himself take that last step until now. He watched as Josiah carved on the edge of a pew, hands moving slow and careful, etching the shape of a wing into existence. They’d been friends for a couple of years and closer even still than that simple word conveyed, lately. Close enough to know what Josiah was going to say before the ex-preacher even thought it, on occasion.

Being that close to someone was new to Nathan. He couldn’t risk it before, as a slave, when he could’ve been sold at any time. Couldn’t even think about it the first few years he was free, either, caught up in too many choices and not making a single right one. But even with its newness, Nathan felt they were closer than most other friends were. No, he knew it, and that both bothered him, and made his heart feel warm and whole for the first time in forever.

It bothered him, because men weren’t supposed to get caught staring at their friends the way he did. Wondering if their friend’s hair was as soft as it looked, or what it would feel like to touch the bare skin he’d seen when the whole gang had gone swimming.

Strangely, it didn’t seem to bother Josiah at all. Like the other man was just as at ease with Nathan’s looks as a widow pursuing him. Maybe more comfortable, because he knew what to expect from Nathan, them being friends already. And that was something that was setting Nathan’s thoughts all a-whirl, because if Josiah didn’t think it was wrong, and him a preacher once upon a time, then what if it wasn’t?

Nathan knew that Josiah was waiting on his decision about them, but he also knew that the other man wouldn’t dream of putting anything like pressure on him. Josiah was real careful about that, even unto making out that he pretended there wasn’t anything more than friendship between them, leaving it up to Nathan to decide if there were. Nathan thought it might be because the other man didn’t want to make him feel caged or boxed in, maybe reminiscent of his slave days when he had no choice.

Still, it would be nice not to have to make the first move for a change.

Sighing to himself, Nathan stepped further into the mostly finished church and took the seat behind Josiah. “How much longer you going to work that?”

Josiah paused, turning his head to give a brief smile as he answered, “Until it’s done.”

“You’re going to finish it all today?” Nathan grumbled.

“No,” Josiah replied agreeable. “The Lord didn’t make the Earth in one day, after all.”

Nathan snorted. “Didn’t take him three years, neither.”

Setting the chisel down, Josiah gave him a considering look and settled more towards him, asking, “Something on your mind, Nathan?”

Hesitating, Nathan finally answered, “I guess.”

“What?”

Nathan took his courage in his hands and leaned in to kiss Josiah. It was a hard kiss, fast and inexpert, but before he could pull away, Josiah’s hand gripped the back of his head, keeping him in place. The kiss deepened when Josiah’s mouth opened and Nathan sighed into it, taking his offering and more. A shiver ran through him, his loins clenching in sudden need and hardness as a strong tongue thrust into his mouth, taking a slow, careful possession.

Groaning in surprised pleasure, Nathan gripped Josiah’s shoulder, then slid his hand around the back of his friend’s neck, mirroring his actions. It was his turn to take control, control that was easily ceded from Josiah as he tasted and discovered what it was to suddenly find a soul-mate disguised as a friend.

“Nathan!”

Nathan jerked away at Rain’s horrified exclamation, tearing from Josiah to look at the young woman standing in the shadows by the door. When she rushed off, Nathan groaned, and this time the sound had nothing of pleasure in it. A strong hand gripped his shoulder and Nathan looked back to find an understanding expression on Josiah’s face.

“It’s okay, Nathan. Go on and speak to her. And no matter what you decide, I’m always your friend,” Josiah told him softly.

Uncertain, Nathan nonetheless stood, knowing that he couldn’t let Rain go running off alone in the night. She shouldn’t have been traveling alone at this time of night in the first place. His thoughts returned to the time where she’d been attacked and worry blossomed. Heading back in such a state where she wouldn’t notice anything would be extra dangerous, even if there weren’t human predators to be concerned with. “We’ll, uh, we’ll talk about this later, okay, Josiah?”

Josiah nodded, his face calm enough that Nathan knew he wasn’t upset. Well, not too upset, anyhow. Feeling torn between a new love and an old one, Nathan had no choice but to go after Rain. It just wasn’t safe for a woman alone, especially a colored one from an Indian village.

*  *  *  *

As Josiah watched Nathan run after Rain, he felt all his hopes die. For the briefest time, it had seemed so perfect, Nathan’s mouth on his, tongue just barely touching his own and then taking over without warning. He’d swum in the feelings that the other man had always evoked in him. Swum and then drowned in them, knowing that he would pay the price when Nathan came to his senses. It had just happened faster than even Josiah would have expected.

Sighing, he looked down at the angel’s wing he’d been carving and shook his head, tossing the chisel into the tool bag with, “Not tonight, my friend. Maybe not ever.”

It was quick enough work for him to pack his satchel and write a note to Chris that he was going to visit some friends at a monastery. It wasn’t true, but as long as the other men felt that he was going somewhere safe, they wouldn’t worry about him. And as much as he treasured the company of each friend, the heartache of staying near Nathan and never having him was just too much. Especially now that he truly knew what it was that he had been missing.

Grateful that he’d picketed his horse outside the mostly finished church for a change, Josiah saddled his horse and tied his satchel in place. Taking a last look around the town that had become home over the last couple of years, Josiah mounted and clicked his heels against the animal’s side. The darkness that swallowed him up, matched the bleakness of his heart

*  *  *  *

Nathan caught up with Rain at the livery, essentially blocking her way so that she couldn’t leave without running him down. For a moment, he wasn’t all that sure she wouldn’t, but then she reined up and glared at him. Wincing, Nathan apologized, “I’m sorry, Rain.”

“Sorry for making me think we had a future?” she demanded, wiping angrily at tears.

Helpless, Nathan answered, “For not realizing myself, sooner, that we didn’t. Honest to God, Rain, I didn’t even know...I didn’t let myself think...”

When his voice trailed off, she sighed, again wiping at her eyes. “Then I can fault you only for not knowing yourself. Though at your age, that’s a mighty big fault, Nathan.”

“I know,” Nathan agreed. “And I’m sorry, so sorry for causin’ you hurt, Rain. I never meant to do that.”

Dark eyes stared at him for a long moment before she said, “You should go back to him.”

Shaking his head, Nathan countered, “I’ll see you home first.”

“But...”

“You can’t be ridin’ about this late by yourself, Rain,” Nathan stated firmly. “I’ll do my duty by you as a friend, if you’ll let me.”

A tentative smile surfaced as Rain replied simply, “Thank you.”

Relieved that things between them would be all right over time, Nathan smiled back at her and moved to saddle up his own ride.

*  *  *  *

The ride out to the reservation was complicated by a severe rainstorm that caused them to hole up in a cavern for the remainder of the night. Even though Nathan knew that no one would be out looking to cause trouble, he was restless enough to keep watch while Rain slept out the storm. Dawn couldn’t come soon enough for him, and he woke her at first light, grateful that the bad weather had passed.

All he really wanted to do was get back to town and Josiah, make sure that things really were okay between them.

Once Rain saw that the sky had cleared, she grinned at him and said, “I think I can find my way now. I’ve only lived here ten years longer than you.”

Still Nathan hesitated. It went against the grain to let her go off on her own, even knowing how fierce and capable Rain was.

She gave him a little push and ordered, “Go tell your preacher that you are both welcome in our village, still. We are not like those who would punish love that doesn’t...suit.”

Meaning white folk, he thought, wry. “Thanks, Rain. I appreciate, well, everything.”

“You are welcome, Nathan Jackson,” she replied softly, clearly meaning every word.

They saddled up in a companionable silence, and hugged quickly before parting ways. It seemed a longer ride than usual back to town, even though he was less than ten miles gone to start with. Mostly because of the muddy ground that he had to travel over, the mud sucking at his horse’s hooves like tar. But also, his thoughts were in a whirl, wondering if Josiah was okay, thinking maybe he should’ve just made Rain stay in town so he could’ve gotten back to the other man right away. Josiah had been known to make a mountain out of a mole hill, now and again, and maybe him running after Rain hadn’t been the best idea in the world.

Finally riding into town, Nathan breathed a sigh of relief on seeing things looking all normal. Chris, Vin and Buck were walking down the street with JD bouncing along behind them, talking a mile a minute. Most of the folk in town were early risers as well, so the streets were busy by then. Ezra, of course, was nowhere to be found.

When he pulled up in front of the group, JD asked, “Out for a morning ride, Nathan?”

“Just takin’ care of some business. You all seen Josiah yet this morning?” Nathan answered.

Chris held up a note. “JD found this in the church. Gone off to visit friends at a monastery.”

Dismay lit through Nathan, but he held himself together as he questioned, “Did he say where?”

“Nope.”

And the rain had gone and washed away all traces of him by that time, too. That just figured. Knowing that not even Vin would be able to track Josiah through the washed earth, Nathan sighed. “I need to check something in the clinic. I’ll join up with you all in a few minutes.”

There were nods all around and he moved his horse towards the livery. He’d take care of the animal first, then run and see if Josiah left him some kind of note. Not that he really expected one. If Josiah was upset enough to take off in the middle of the night, then he wasn’t going to be in a letter writing frame of mind.

And obviously Nathan didn’t know his friend as well as he should, if he couldn’t even tell when Josiah was upset about something.

*  *  *  *

Nathan was sitting in front of the jail with Buck when a rider, pushed near to his limits, reined up in front of them. The young man demanded, “Where’s the doctor? Someone said y’all got a doctor in this town!”

Standing, Nathan answered, “I’m good with bullets and settin’ bones, but I’m not rightly a doctor.”

“We got us a preacher who’s been shot a couple times and needs help real bad,” the stranger exclaimed.

Nathan instinctively knew that he was talking about Josiah and was proved right when he and Buck arrived at the wagon train that was stopped well north of town. Climbing into a covered wagon where the big man lay unconscious, Nathan took in the sight of his erstwhile lover with fear: Josiah’s body was wrapped in blood-soaked bandages on the chest and shoulder, wracked with fever, and his face was pale with blood loss.

Setting aside his panic as best he could, Nathan ordered, “I need a pot of boiled water and an extra pot set to boiling bandages.”

One of the women nodded and hauled off a couple of the younger girls with her.

Kneeling beside Josiah, he couldn’t help but place his head on the damp forehead to comb his fingers through the sweat-slicked hair. “Damn, Josiah, what happened to you?”

“He tried to settle a brothers’ dispute over a woman,” someone said from behind.

Nathan looked back at the older woman who wore her regret like a mantle and asked, “How long’s he been lyin’ like this?”

“Since yesterday,” she answered. “I did the best I could, but I don’t really know how to dig out bullets.”

“You a midwife?”

“Yes.”

At least she wouldn’t faint at the sight of blood. Nathan asked, “Can you get me a lot more light than this?”

“You want them to just pull back the cover?” she suggested.

“No, that’ll let in even more dust and infect the wound. Just get me more light.”

She nodded and left to do so.

“Anything I can do?”

Buck’s soft offer of help startled Nathan, who’d completely forgotten that their friend had accompanied him. Flashing him a brittle smile, Nathan replied, “Pray, Buck. Hard as you can.”

Appropriately grave, Buck nodded and let him get to work.

*  *  *  *

When Josiah woke, it was to pain in his chest and shoulder, and a soft, ragged voice that was achingly familiar. It felt like fire burned him from the inside out, a far more physical penance than he’d expected, this side of the pearly gates. He tried to open his eyes and thrashed around a bit when he couldn’t.

“Easy, Josiah, easy now, stop fussin,’” that voice ordered gently.

“Can’t...see...”

“‘S’okay, you just been fevered too long. Eyes’re stuck. Let me clean ‘em out for you.”

A few seconds were occupied with the sound of water being poured, and then a cool cloth wiped his eyes. It took a few more seconds before he could open his eyes and focus on the dark shape before him. “Nathan?”

Smiling, Nathan replied, “How many times does Buck have to tell you not to get involved in a fight over a woman? Should we get him stabbed through with a sword a couple more times?”

“What are you doing here?” Josiah asked, ignoring the attempt at humor.

The smile faded into hurt and Nathan explained, “Rider came to get a doctor, so I came. Should’ve known you’d find trouble on your own.”

Josiah sighed, wincing at the jump of pain that engendered in the dark eyes that never left his. “How many times was I shot?”

“Twice in the shoulder, once just above your heart. Almost lost you a few times, but it turns out Buck’s better at prayin’ than we thought.”

Despite the light words, Josiah could see the worry and pain that still lingering in Nathan’s gaze. He also saw the exhaustion and the stooped way he sat, like he hadn’t moved from that position in far too long. Which was more than likely the truth.

“Look, ‘Siah, you need to rest, so let me say this quick,” Nathan began. “I didn’t go off with Rain, or choose her over you. I just wanted to make sure she got home okay. It was real late that night, remember? I came back at first light when the weather cleared, but you were already gone. I want...if, well, if you still think, I mean...”

The pain became secondary to joy as he realized what the colored man was trying to say. Nathan could be an eloquent speaker, but when it came to how he felt, he was sometimes more miserly than Chris Larabee with the words. Smiling, Josiah reached out with his hand, ignoring the pain that caused, and it was caught in a firm grip. “I do, Nathan. I still do.”

Nathan shyly brought Josiah’s hand up and kissed the palm, then held it to his face, which was covered in stubble that was fast growing into a beard. That confirmed to him just how long the other man had been tending him and he ordered, “You get some sleep, too. You need it. And take a bath, while you’re at it.”

Laughing softly, Nathan answered, “I will. Just close your eyes and get on to sleep your own self.”

Josiah uttered a slow, soft sigh and closed his eyes, relishing the feel of Nathan’s bigger hand cradling his own.

*  *  *  *

“I can do it myself, damn it!” Josiah growled, yanking his arm free.

Nathan threw his hands up, muttering, “Of all the ornery, mean cusses in the world, I get stuck with the worst.”

Laughing, JD offered, “We can get that chair with wheels you made up for me from before but that won’t help with stairs.”

The glare Josiah threw at JD would have been enough to send most men cowering, but the young man just grinned unrepentantly.

It took some doing, but Josiah managed to get himself up the stairs to the clinic without any help. He’d been stuck flat on his back for the last three weeks in Chris’ shack outside of town. Nathan had insisted that he needed the clean air and quiet to recover, not the craziness that the town sometimes inspired. Personally, he thought the other man just wanted to make sure that every single order he gave was obeyed.

Despot in the making, he thought grumpily.

But then he caught sight of the worry in Nathan’s face when he slumped onto the bed, even as quickly hidden as it was, and guilt rose. He knew the other man was only trying to do right by him. It wasn’t fair for him to be such an ingrate. Sighing, Josiah apologized, “Sorry, Nathan. Just out of sorts, today.”

Nathan took that as the okay to help get his shirt off and get him under the blankets of the only bed in the room. “It’s okay, Josiah, I understand.”

“I am grateful, you know, all the care you’ve taken with me,” Josiah continued, like Nathan hadn’t spoken. Sometimes he thought that the healer didn’t get nearly enough thanks. People sure didn’t pay him for his troubles, most not being too well off themselves to be able to spare anything. Nathan did what he did, and expected no thanks. “And I’m glad that you’re...here...with me.”

A warm smile lit up Nathan’s face at his words and the healer replied gruffly, “Thanks, ‘Siah. That means a lot to me.”

Buck and JD showed up just then, stopping any further confessions, which was just as well. There was only so much soul revelations that Josiah could take in a day. The visit went on longer than Josiah would’ve liked, even though he knew it was because they were still worried about him. There would’ve been three more in the room to make sure he was okay, but Chris, Vin, and Ezra were on a prisoner transfer.

As it was, Nathan had to kick JD and Buck out of the room when the clock struck ten and Josiah could barely keep his eyes open. They left with promises to return the next day, and, once the door closed behind them, Josiah asked, “Can’t you stop the visit? That boy’s got too much energy for me these days.”

Smiling, Nathan teased, “You must be getting old, Josiah.”

“Well, I’m not getting younger,” Josiah replied dryly. Patting the bed beside him, he suggested, “Sit with me?”

Nathan hesitated, but acquiesced, and Josiah transferred his head from the pillow to a thigh. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the gentle scratching of Nathan’s fingers through his hair. They’d gotten even closer over the last few weeks and, even though they had as yet to consummate the new level in their relationship, Josiah knew it was merely a matter of time. They were still feeling each other’s hearts out, and that was the most important thing.

“Sleep now, Josiah. I got you.”

Knowing just how true that was, Josiah let himself drift into sleep.