Buck yawned as he walked towards his room. It had been a damn long day and he’d even felt the need to take a long, hot soak in Ezra’s damn tub to get rid of at least some of the tension. All he wanted was to find his bed and sleep in it for a week. When he got to his room, though, the door was open an inch or so and he froze, pulling out his gun. Peeking inside showed nothing, so he nudged the door open further...

And promptly stopped short in shock.

JD was sprawled face down on his bed, naked as the day he was born. The smooth, pale lines of him were bathed in the glow of the lamp on the bedside table. Dark hair graced the back of the young man’s neck, longer than it should be, always tempting Buck to tangle his fingers in it. One leg was drawn up a bit, exposing his ass in all its glory.

His cock hardened so fast at the sight that it just about hurt. He made a strangled noise and that woke JD, who rolled onto his side. That, of course, gave Buck a more than generous view of the semi-hard cock between JD’s well-formed legs and he swallowed against a too-dry throat.

A smile lit JD’s face and he exclaimed, “It’s about time you got here! I been waitin’ on you!”

“Why?” Buck managed to croak.

JD’s eyes rolled. “Why do you think?”

“Ah, I’m not sure. I mean, I see you there, naked and all, but, I don’t reckon I know what the hell’s going on in your head,” Buck replied, proud that he’d been able to string all those words together when the blood that normally circulated in his head was way, way further south.

Rolling into a sitting position, JD leaned back and said, “I’m here, ‘cause I want you. And seein’ as how you’re with all those women, I’d’ve thought you’d know what to do with a naked body in your bed.”

Shaking his head, feeling like somewhere along the way he’d cracked his head open and this was a dream, Buck protested, “What the hell you know about it?”

That brought JD to his feet and he walked over to Buck. Staring up at him earnestly, JD answered, “Nothing, but I know I got this itch whenever I look at you. I know you always been under my skin, Buck, and I know that you’ll know how to, to help me. And I hope, I mean, I think...”

“Think what?” Buck prompted softly.

Eyes flickering away, JD finally said, “I think maybe you might, you know, like me. A little. I know I ain’t so much to look at, and you’re big into women, but I seen you look at Chris and Vin sometimes with a longin’ that speaks of liking men, too.”

Buck repeated, seriously this time, “What do you know about it?”

“Just, ah, the ugly stuff. Insults. Rumors. What the bible says,” JD admitted. “But then, I see how Chris and Vin are together and think maybe, well, maybe it ain’t all that bad after all.”

“Oh it’s not,” Buck assured him, thinking back to the few times he and Chris had had fun together. Of course, that was years ago, before Sarah had come into Chris’ life. And he was truly happy that Chris and Vin had each other. He wouldn’t wish either of them to a lonely life and had the feeling there wasn’t anyone else in the world that would be good for either of them.

“So, that’s what this is about.”

Buck noticed that JD’s pupils seemed bigger than normal. He frowned a bit and looked JD over more closely. He saw the pulse beating fast at JD’s throat, the slight sheen of sweat, the nervous twitch of fingers, and sighed.

“What?” JD asked.

Hands on his hips, Buck demanded, “You been drinkin,’ JD? Or maybe trying the Chinamen’s drugs?”

JD flinched and exclaimed, “What!? No! Course not!”

Then Buck remembered the potion that JD had taken, trying to mess with him, and wondered if maybe there had been something to it after all. Something to lower a body’s inhibitions? Sighing, knowing that there was nothing to this but after-affects of the drug, whatever it was, Buck said, “Yeah, JD, you did. Remember? The potion you swallowed? When it wears off, you’re gonna be upset if something happens here tonight.”

“That ain’t true!” JD exclaimed. “I just...I never really thought about you and me like this, but it suddenly makes sense.”

“Because of the drug!”

“No!”

And Buck suddenly found himself with an armful of over-eager JD, lips plastered to his own, arms wrapped tight around his neck. He had to scrape the other man off him, something he’d sure never expected to need to do, and pushed JD away as gentle as he could, but firm enough to get some space between them.

Looking up at him with big, hurt eyes, JD didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Lowering his head, he finally muttered, “Sorry, Buck, I thought you wanted me, but I was wrong. As usual. I’ll get out of your hair.”

Buck watched as JD went to his clothes, tossed on a chair in the corner, shoulders rounded in defeat. It just about killed him to do this. He’d fallen head over heels in love with JD months ago, but he just couldn’t take advantage of JD like this. The other man would hate him in the morning if anything happened.

“JD, look, I’m sorry, but it’s for the best. Really,” Buck tried to assure him. “You’ll see that in the morning when the drug wears off.”

JD shrugged and walked to the door, pausing there. Canting his head Buck’s way, he asked fearfully, “We’re still friends, right? This don’t make you hate me?”

Striding over to JD, Buck tugged him close and hugged him, taking as much comfort from the embrace as JD most likely. “I’ll never hate you, JD, I swear. Doesn’t matter what you do. We’re friends, always.”

JD managed a woebegone smile as he pulled away and said, “Thanks, Buck.”

Watching JD leave was about the hardest thing that Buck ever did.

*  *  *  *

JD roamed the town feeling a hell of a lot better. Not because he didn’t still feel guilty about Annie, he did, but because the townspeople weren’t looking at him like he was scum anymore. It had hurt a lot more than he’d expected, being on the other side. All this time and he’d never once thought about what it must be like for Vin. Now he knew, and he made a silent promise to give Vin even more of his friendship whenever he could.

And Buck...

A happy smile surfaced as he thought about Buck’s words and actions over the last few days of hell. Never once had Buck failed him. Never once had Buck looked at him like he was evil on two legs. Buck had gone one further and tried to stop him from leaving.

“Well, I need you. You're my friend, and, uh... what am I supposed to do... without you?”

A rush of warmth ran through him at the remembered words. The look in Buck’s eyes as he’d tried to keep JD from going back east. It seemed like Buck really did care for him, even if it wasn’t the way he wanted. Strange how he’d never thought of Buck that way until the stupid potion. Not that he thought it had worked, he’d just been messing with Buck and having a lot of fun doing it, him and Inez both.

Buck, unfortunately, had thought that it was the drug when JD had gone and thrown himself at the other man. And JD wasn’t all that sure if it had been a good thing or not. Maybe it was just an excuse. Maybe he was just too scrawny to keep a man like Buck interested.

Still, it was enough that he got to stay with Buck and the others.

“Well, I need you. You're my friend, and, uh... what am I supposed to do... without you?”

JD’s smile got even bigger as Buck’s voice rang through his head again.

*  *  *  *

Finding JD bleeding on the ground had been about the most horrific sight in Buck’s life, and he’d seen a lot. It had felt like his lungs had been ripped out, breathing becoming almost a forgotten thing. He’d screamed for Chris and prayed harder than he could ever remember doing.

Getting JD back to town had been a nightmare, seeing the blood on the saddle and soaking JD’s clothes. And hearing Nathan say that he didn’t know if JD was going to make it had near about broken his heart. No more JD meant no more laughter and no more sunshine in the middle of a rainstorm. No more JD meant that life wouldn’t be worth living. He knew, finally and intimately, a measure of what Chris had gone through on finding Sarah and Adam dead.

Buck stared at JD’s fever soaked body, the scruffy chin, the blood-soaked bandages. He fancied that he could see the struggle just to breathe in the way JD’s body moved; grudgingly.

He leaned in closer to the bed, thinking about all he should’ve done to keep the younger man safe, of how JD trusted him with his life and how badly that trust had been misplaced. “JD, I’m so sorry.”

There was no answer, of course. JD stayed unconscious, struggling to live but moving closer to death as the night wore on.

“I’m so sorry, little brother,” Buck murmured.

Leaning back in the chair, Buck’s head hung as he tried to keep the emotions locked down. A soft knock at the door startled him, but Buck stood and crossed to it. He wasn’t altogether surprised to find Casey on the other side and stepped back to let her in. Silently mocking himself, he thought, And the competition arrives, even if she doesn’t know it.

“How is he?” Casey asked, taking Buck’s seat.

Buck sighed. “No change. You want to keep an eye on him for a while?”

She didn’t even look back at him as she stared at JD, lost in her own torment and doubts. Buck sighed and left the clinic, aching to get drunk and forget everything that had happened, but not daring to. He wanted to be close, just in case...

Buck’s breath hitched in his throat and a few tears forced themselves free.

“He’ll make it,” Chris said quietly from the stairs.

Looking over at Chris, all Buck could do was shake his head and answer, “He won’t. He’s so weak, Chris, lost all that blood. I should’ve been there, should’ve known.”

“You ain’t God, Buck, there’s no way you could’ve known,” Chris pointed out. “JD’s a grown man and makes his own decisions. Don’t guilt yourself for something that weren’t your fault.”

Helpless, but needing to tell someone, Buck whispered, “I love him, Chris, I just...I love him so bad!”

Chris’ lips twisted as he looked away and replied, “I know. And, if the worst happens, I’m gonna be here for you, just like you were, for me.”

Shaking his head, Buck said, “No. Thanks, but no. If, if he don’t make it, I’m just going to...I don’t know, but I’m not going to stick around here and they need you here. And you got to think about Vin, now, can’t just take off where he can’t follow.”

From the conflict on Chris’ face, Buck knew he’d hit close to home. Vin couldn’t go just anywhere, not with that price still on his head, and Chris would never risk him. It wasn’t in him to lose his reason for life twice, especially not if he could prevent it. Scrubbing fingers through his hair, Buck added, “I just needed to stretch my legs. I’m gonna head back in now.”

“I’ll be here,” Chris offered, meaningfully.

Buck nodded and turned back around, opening the door and stopping short on the threshold. JD was awake and stroking Casey’s hair. Buck nearly collapsed in relief as he saw that. Then JD spoke and the world came crashing down in a different way.

“I thought... I thought I was gonna die before I had a chance to say that.. I'm sorry. And--and... and how much I care about you,” JD said, barely audible from Buck’s distance.

Casey’s face wasn’t visible, but Buck was sure there was a smile on it as she hushed JD and the wounded man fell into a true, healing sleep.

Buck staggered back and fell to his knees on the landing. Chris was at his side in an instant, arms strong around him as he rocked his oldest friend through the pain of a broken heart.

*  *  *  *

“Married?” JD exclaimed in disbelief.

Buck was grinning from ear to ear as he nodded, his arm around Louisa’s waist. “Yep! And we’ve got you to thank, little brother! I want you to stand up with me!”

Mouth gaped open, JD could only stammer, “Ah, yeah, yes, of course,” like an idiot. Married? Buck was really getting married? JD wanted to cry and to bang his head against the nearest wall for being the stupid ass for suggesting it in the first place. Seeing Buck carry on with a woman was nothing new, something he’d long been used to, even if it hurt just a little, each time. He’d never once decided to marry them, though, so JD had known that they were safe.

That was over now. Buck was going to get married and he’d be alone again.

Jerking back to attention at Buck’s impatient call of his name, JD stammered, “Wh-what?”

“I said, that we’re going to have a big ole weddin’ and I need you to make sure it’s all proper. You been to weddin’s before, right?” Buck asked.

JD nodded dumbly and replied, “Yeah. A few of them. But...”

At Buck’s expectant look, JD couldn’t go on. He couldn’t hurt Buck, even if it meant stomping on his own heart in the process. Buck was in love. And Louisa was a good woman, definitely his match in a whole lot of ways. Beauty to Buck’s good looks, sophistication to Buck’s charm, educated intelligence to Buck’s life intelligence. No doubt about it, it was a match made in Heaven.

Even if it did put JD in Hell.

“Never mind. I’ll figure it out. I’ll ask Mary, she’s been married,” JD announced, forcing a smile.

Buck grabbed him in a big bear hug and exclaimed, “I knew I could count on you, JD!”

Smiling at Buck with genuine fondness, JD replied, “Always.”

*  *  *  *

JD stared morosely at the glass of beer he’d ordered. He didn’t really like the taste, but needed something stronger than just milk.

“You look like someone just killed your horse.”

Glancing over at Chris, JD shrugged and answered, “Just thinkin’ is all.”

“About Buck’s wedding,” Chris guessed, sitting beside him.

JD nodded. “Yeah. Not that I know what I’m doing. And why didn’t he ask you? You’re his oldest friend, not me.”

“His oldest, but not his dearest.”

There was no sign of jealousy or anger in that blunt statement, to JD’s surprise. Wary, he observed, “You seem awful sure of that.”

Puffing on his cheroot for a long few seconds, Chris thought over his words before saying, “I’ve known Buck a long time. We been there for each other through a lot of bad things. And a lot of good things, too. I never expected him to fall in love, though.”

JD snorted. “No kidding.”

“Especially not with some wet-behind-the-ear, snot-nosed, wide-eyed young kid from back East that can ride like the devil and has a heart bigger than Texas,” Chris said softly.

Shocked, JD couldn’t speak.

Leaning close, Chris informed him, “He just about died when you was laid up from Mattie’s bullet, JD. Blamed himself for it and then, when you turned to Casey for your healin,’ well, that did him in. Told me he wasn’t going to go through that again and I could see him wall himself off from life. Oh, he was here, and he was livin’ with the rest of us, but that...spark...that made Buck so alive, was gone. You broke his heart, JD, no doubt about it in my mind.”

“But...no! That ain’t it at all!” JD exclaimed, then lowered his voice. “Casey and me, we’re only ever gonna be just friends. After, after Mattie shot me, I knew I’d been given a second chance. I was determined not to waste it. I was going to tell Buck it wasn’t that damned potion, that I loved him.”

“So what happened?” Chris questioned, frowning.

“Louisa happened.”

“JD, there’s been a couple months between you getting shot and her showin’ up.”

“And Buck wasn’t anywhere around for me to talk to, was he?” JD demanded.

Thoughtful, Chris leaned back in his chair. “No, he was gone most of it, trackin’ and huntin’ with Vin.”

“Exactly. And then finally, he shows his face here on a regular basis, but we ain’t never alone together!” JD complained. “I was planning to just show up naked again, but then Louisa showed up.”

Chris’ eyebrows climbed and he repeated, “Naked?”

JD flushed. “Long story. Anyhow, Louisa showed up and Buck decided to get himself in love with her and now they’re getting married. And if there’s something I want in this world, it’s for Buck to be happy, which he will be, with her.”

Shaking his head, Chris observed, “Being with you would make him happy, JD. Oh, he’d live a decent enough life with Louisa. Have a couple of kids. Be a good husband and a great father. But he’d still be achin’ inside, empty and alone at the heart of himself. I know, JD, I know because I was there when Sarah and Adam were taken from me. I got lucky enough to live again when Vin came into my life, but Buck...he ain’t that lucky. You’re it, for him.”

JD swallowed, hard, and whispered, “But he’s gettin’ married. I can’t, not now. It’s too late.”

Chris stood and looked down at him for a moment, face as unreadable as it ever was. “It’s not too late until that ring’s on his finger and he’s said ‘I do.’ in front of a preacher.”

Confused and upset, JD looked back into his beer, thinking, What the hell am I going to do now?

*  *  *  *

It was with a distinct feeling of déjŕ vu, as Ezra liked to say, that Buck found JD naked in his bed a few days after the announcement of his engagement to Louisa. This time, though, JD was on his back, stretched out calm as could be against the pillows. His mouth opened, but no words managed to get out.

Grinning briefly, JD sat up and said, “So I hear you think I’m in love with Casey.”

Of all the things to pop out of JD’s mouth, that threw Buck the most. “Huh?”

The grin reappeared as JD repeated, “I hear you think that I’m in love with Casey.”

Shaking himself out of the stupor, Buck growled, “You are!”

“No, I ain’t,” JD replied firmly.

Buck snarled, “Yes, you are, I heard you!”

Getting to his feet, JD shook his head. “You heard me say that I cared about her, which I do. The word ‘love,’ didn’t pass my lips. And you’d think, feverish and close to death as I was, that if ever a time that word would be spoken, it would be then. Wouldn’t you?”

Buck frowned, thinking back to what he’d heard. He realized that JD was right and looked at the younger man in confusion as he asked, “What are you doing here, JD?”

Serious, JD answered, “Tellin’ you how I feel, like I been trying to do for the last three months, but you were never around long enough to hear it. I love you, Buck, and always have. Since you first took that saber cut for me. I just didn’t know that’s what it was, not right away anyhow.”

Holding up his hands, Buck shook his head and backed away. He couldn’t go through this again. There was no chance that he’d live through it, not sane anyhow.

But JD moved after him and continued, “Yes. It’s true. I don’t want to mess up what you have with Louisa, so if she’s who you want, then I’ll put your wedding together, stand up for you, and wish you the best life you can possibly have. But I’ve got to tell you...it’s gonna kill me to do it.”

Buck hit the wall, unable to back up further.

“I love you and want to be with you the rest of my life, even into the next one, if I can be,” JD finished softly, staring up at him.

The love shining up at him was impossible to dismiss or ignore. He’d never seen JD look so sure of himself. Hesitant, Buck reached out and cupped JD’s face, which was clean-shaven for once and felt smooth to the touch. JD smiled and leaned into the touch, eyes closing as if to savor the moment.

Groaning softly at the sight, Buck bent down and kissed him, taking what he’d never thought to have; a willing JD in his arms. JD’s mouth opened on a sigh and Buck delved deeper, his tongue questing inside. JD’s arms wrapped around his neck and Buck’s moved around JD’s waist, pulling him in tight. He walked JD backward to the bed, feeding hungrily on his new lover, hands roaming all over the firm, warm body.

JD complained wordlessly when Buck pulled back and heat shot through his cock at the half-lidded look he was given. Shuddering in need, Buck said, “Just getting’ naked my own self, JD. Not going anywhere.”

With a brilliant smile, JD hopped onto the bed, moving onto his stomach and pulling a leg up, asking, “Like this, right?”

Buck grabbed at his cock to keep from shooting right then and there. “JD! Warn a body when you do somethin’ like that!”

Laughing happily, JD answered his own question, “Like this, then.”

Buck growled playfully and yanked his shirt off. Boots and pants were next, socks tossed wherever, and then he was on the bed and hovering over JD. He kissed and licked from the thighs up, paying special attention to the hole he was desperate to get into. Knowing JD wouldn’t have done this with anyone else gave him patience, though, and he rolled JD onto his back.

Staring down into JD’s happy face, Buck couldn’t believe that he’d have gone his whole life without this by marrying Louisa. Settling on top of JD, he kissed him again, slow and hard, hungry for every part of this man, heart and soul on top of his body. JD moaned beneath him, legs coming up to lock around his waist. Knowing that he wasn’t going to last long enough to give JD a proper first time, Buck settled on rubbing them both off. They’d get to the other stuff later, when they weren’t so desperate.

JD’s cries of need and pleasure were muffled in Buck’s mouth as they rocked together. Buck rested on his forearms, his lower body pressing JD into the mattress. Their cocks slid alongside together and he felt the soft scratch of JD’s chest hair as an added caress. Buck’s breath caught when JD arched up and came, spilling wet heat between them. He looked so incredible, eyes clenched shut, mouth open in a surprised ‘O’ of pleasure, that it pushed Buck over the edge. He ground against JD one more time and came, adding his seed to the patch already on JD’s body, stifling his cry of release with a mouthful of JD’s shoulder.

Panting, heart thundering in his chest, Buck shuddered through the aftershocks with his face pressed to the hollow of JD’s throat. Gentle hands ghosted over his back and JD’s lips touched his forehead before he was held tight enough to make breathing uncomfortable. “Ah, JD? You okay?”

JD shook his head and whispered, “I coulda lost you forever, Buck. I coulda watched you walk down the aisle and never known this. I’m such a fool!”

Pushing up onto his elbows, Buck kissed him and soothed, “You’re not a fool. We both wasted time and could’ve been more honest. That’s done, now. We’re together and that’s never gonna change. I love you.”

Dark eyes widened at his words and surprised pleasure made JD turn shy, his face angling away.

Chuckling, Buck kissed just under his ear and said, “Let’s get more comfortable.”

He grabbed his shirt and cleaned them off, tossing it aside carelessly, then got JD beneath the covers. Settling the younger man in his arms, Buck sighed in deep contentment and reached out to turn off the lamp. It wasn’t long before JD’s breathing evened-out into that of sleep and Buck couldn’t stop grinning as he thought, This here is Heaven, right now, and waking up is going to be even better.

*  *  *  *

JD winced as the slap echoed through the saloon and Louisa stormed off. While he couldn’t be sorry to see her go, he was sorry that Buck had been the one to get the painful blow on ending it. He wordlessly held up a mug of beer when Buck approached, rubbing his face.

Taking the beer, Buck sat heavily in the chair and drained it. “Feels bad, doing that. She’s a good woman.”

“She is,” JD agreed, worrying his lip with his teeth. “Are you, are you sorry you did it?”

Buck looked at him sharply and denied, “Not in a million years, kid.”

“So I hear the weddin’s off,” Chris announced, sitting down.

Vin took the chair beside him and observed, “Miss Louisa sure seems upset.”

“She’ll get over it.”

They all looked over at Ezra’s drawl to find the gambler smirking as he looked at Buck and sat beside JD. “You know, Mr. Wilmington, the walls in this establishment aren’t terribly thick.”

JD felt the blush creep over his face, but couldn’t stop it. Had he made too much noise? Did Ezra know that it had been him?

Buck only grinned and said, “Did we keep you up, Ez?”

Groaning to himself, JD slumped in his chair and grabbed his milk, wondering if maybe he could persuade Inez to get him a beer instead, even if it was just first thing in the morning.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Ezra replied, gold tooth flashing in the morning light.

“I’m ah, I’m gonna just, get goin,’” JD said, standing up.

“Well hang on, kid, I’ll go with ya.”

JD put his hat on tight and offered a murmured goodbye to the others before hurrying out of the saloon.

Buck caught up to him outside and slung an arm over his shoulder, asking, “Where’s the fire, JD?”

Groaning, JD said, “Ezra knows!”

“Nah. And even if he does, he obviously don’t care,” Buck assured him. “Look, JD, everything’s going to be all right. I promise. When have I ever let you down?”

At that, JD stopped and looked at him, a smile tugging on his lips. “Never, Buck.”

“Exactly,” Buck confirmed, his eyes soft as he looked back at JD.

Feeling better than he had in a real long time, JD bumped his hip against Buck’s and started walking to the jail. Buck had never let him down and wasn’t going to start. Things were just going to get better and better. It was a wonder that his heart didn’t explode from so much happiness, but it didn’t. Grinning up at Buck, he said, “I think it’s gonna be a good day.”

And Buck smiled, answering, “It always is with you, JD, it always is.”