Buck scanned the inside of the bar and grimaced when he didn’t immediately find Vin. It wasn’t a hideously busy place, but most of the booths were filled with two and three people each. Enough to make it hard to find someone at first glance. He wandered over to the hostess and smiled at her, asking, “‘Scuze me, miss, but have you seen a tall, skinny Texan around here somewhere? Probably too drunk to move by now? I need to cart his sorry butt back home before he gets into any more trouble.”
She smiled back, clearly charmed, and answered, “I know just who you’re talking about, the poor thing.”
Poor thing? Even drunk, Vin generally didn’t bring up much in the sympathy factor; way too surly and withdrawn. A lot like Chris, come to think on it, Buck realized with an internal grin. Something else they share.
“Haven’t seen someone that heartbroken in a long time,” the woman continued, pointing down towards the back. “I’m glad he’s got someone to watch out for him just now.”
Buck’s gaze followed where she pointed and he found Vin slouched in the corner booth, staring into an empty glass. “Thank you, miss, I appreciate the help.”
He walked over and sat opposite Vin, who stared at him blearily, surprised, and demanded, “What’reya doin’ here, Buck?”
“You called me, remember? And I’m driving you home, from the looks of it,” Buck answered with a sigh. “Come on, partner, you need to drink some water, take some aspirin and go to bed, in that order.”
Vin shook his head. “Nope. Need to drink more, ‘cause I’m not drunk enough yet.”
Damn Texans.
“I got some Jack back home if you want it,” Buck offered.
Giving him a suspicious look, Vin asked, “You’ll let me drink it?”
“Sure.”
And he could make that promise, because he was pretty damn sure that Vin would be passed out long before they even got home.
After another few seconds, Vin nodded and said, “Okay. Uh, can’t seem to feel my feet, though, so you’re gonna have to get me there.”
That figured.
Shaking his head, Buck stood and pulled the other man up to his feet, keeping a tight hold as they walked out of the bar. He gave the hostess a nod on the way out and managed to get Vin all the way to his truck without incident. The drive back was silent and every time he looked over at the other man, it was to find an agonized expression on Vin’s face. It didn’t take all that long to get back to the house, despite that they hit unusual traffic on the freeway. Not that there was ever no traffic, but for a Tuesday night, it was extra crowded.
Vin was annoyingly conscious by the time Buck pulled into the driveway. He was reminded of the last time that the younger man had spent at his house, except that now there was no reason for Vin to sleep on the sofa; he could just take JD’s old room. Steering him towards the bedroom, Buck nodded at JD, whose head poked out of their room, signaling for him to wait. JD nodded and Buck helped Vin into the room, dropping him on the bed.
“Where’sza Jack?” Vin demanded.
Knowing there was no use trying to talk sense to a drunk, Buck just said, “I’ll go get it. Stay put, okay?”
Vin waved and Buck headed out, closing the door behind him. He was hoping that the other man would fall asleep, being vertical now, before he got back. Not that he was going to actually give him any more alcohol even if he didn’t pass out, because that was just a liver shut-down waiting to happen.
“What happened?” JD asked, eyes wide.
Buck sighed and said, “Gotta be something to do with Chris, but damned if I know what. All I do know is that he called me from the bar to pick him up.”
Touching Buck’s shoulder, JD questioned, “But Chris is getting better. He’ll be out of the hospital next week, even.”
“I know,” Buck sighed. He pulled JD in tight and rested his cheek on the smaller man’s head. “Wish I knew what the hell was going on with those two, but I doubt Vin’ll talk even once he’s sober.”
“Probably not.”
Sighing deeply, Buck nuzzled at JD and murmured, “Course, that don’t mean we can’t have our own, private, conversation.”
JD chuckled and swatted him sharply on the butt before pulling away. “Not while someone else is in the house, Buck.”
“Who, him? Vin’s ten sheets past the wind. He ain’t even gonna notice,” Buck protested, following JD into their room.
Wagging a finger at him, JD repeated firmly, “Not while someone else is in the house. I can’t keep quiet once we get started. And besides. Whatever’s going on, I don’t want to rub Vin’s nose in how happy we are.”
That sobered Buck and he sighed again, knowing JD was right. Didn’t mean he couldn’t get a few licks in before he went down though. “You’re a prude, JD.”
Indignant, JD exclaimed, “I am not!”
“Sure y’are,”
Buck replied, hiding his grin. “Not that I’m blamin’
you, mind. Must be all that
JD’s mouth opened, but nothing came out.
Buck couldn’t help it. He started laughing, loving the priceless expression on JD’s face.
Exasperation and irritation fast chased away the disbelief and JD exclaimed, “That’s it! I’ve had it with you! You can sleep on the damn couch tonight!”
Buck blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. On the couch. I’m getting ready for bed, but when I get back, you’d best be gone from here.”
It was only because JD was such a terrible liar that he didn’t get away with it. Buck caught the twitch of his lips into a grin before his lover could completely turn away and huffed in amused aggravation. He grabbed JD and pulled him over his shoulder, ignoring the squawk to put him down, and walked over to the big bed. He tossed JD onto it and jumped on, pinning him in place by straddling him and holding his arms over his head. “On the couch?”
JD was laughing, not in the least intimidated or thrown by the physical behavior, and gasped, “The look on your face! Oh God, Buck, it was so funny!”
“You are going down, little man,” Buck growled.
Still grinning, JD demanded, “Oh yeah? You and what army?”
Buck retaliated the best way he could…by kissing JD senseless. In short order, he had the kid gasping into his mouth and straining to get his hands free. They hadn’t done more than making out and jerking off together as yet, but not just because of the stress they were both under at work. Buck didn’t want to rush JD into anything, especially not something that couldn’t be taken back, and getting fucked was definitely not something that could be taken back.
When JD’s hips jerked against his, Buck grinned into the kiss and pulled free, asking, “Problem there, little man?”
JD glared at him and hissed, “That ain’t funny, Buck!”
“Sure it is,” Buck countered, chuckling. He sat back the rest of the way and continued, “I think I’m going to get ready for bed now.”
Astonishment flickered across JD’s revealing face and he exclaimed, “You can’t just leave me hanging like this!”
In full-blown revenge mode, Buck asked innocently, “I thought you said we weren’t doin’ nothing with Vin in the house?”
With that, he hopped off the bed and strolled to the attached bathroom. JD cursed inventively and a pillow slammed into his head from behind, but Buck just grinned and kept walking.
* * * *
Vin knew he wasn’t dead only because not even Hell would feel this awful. He kept very, very still in the hopes that the nausea would go away, given enough time. Not to mention that his head was throbbing agony even without movement. Thank God someone had drawn the blinds so he wasn’t getting hit by sunlight. That would’ve been absolutely the worst thing.
“Mornin’ partner!”
Aside from Buck’s cheerful, and way too loud, greeting.
Hands to his head, Vin gasped, “Shut up!”
“Aw now, come on Vin, is that any way to treat the man who drove your sorry, drunk ass home last night?” Buck wheedled.
The Devil incarnate was Buck Wilmington.
“I even got you a hangover remedy so do your best to sit up and drink it down. And please don’t forget that the bathroom is the next room to the left, not the right, if you decide to puke.”
Knowing that Buck wasn’t going away until he’d sat up and tried whatever God-forsaken remedy he had in hand, Vin forced himself slowly into a sitting position.
“You might not want to take a whiff before drinking,” Buck advised, pushing a mug into his hand.
Vin did as he was told and drank it down without stopping to breathe, smell, or taste whatever was in the mug. It was a close call as to whether or not it would just come right back up, but after a long, indecisive moment, Vin’s insides stayed where they were. Letting loose a sigh of relief, Vin squinted over at Buck and said, “Thanks.”
“My pleasure. Or, it would be if I knew what the hell had driven you to drink so bad. I ain’t seen you like that ever, Vin,” Buck replied quietly.
Pressing a palm to an eye, Vin didn’t know if it would be better or worse to tell the whole sorry tale to Buck. It would be nice to have an ally, but he didn’t know if Buck would wind up on his side at the end of the story.
“Whatever it is, I’m your friend. I’m not going to desert you.”
Vin wanted to laugh, but it would hurt too much in his current state. Meeting Buck’s gaze, he finally said, “Chris told me he never wanted to see me again.”
Pure astonishment lit across Buck’s face and he exclaimed, “What!? When did this happen? What happened?”
“I told him the truth.”
“What truth?”
And for the second time in two days, Vin spilled his guts, praying it wouldn’t bite him on the ass.
* * * *
The thing that bothered Chris the most after Vin’s confession wasn’t that Vin had been the one to watch him for so long, completely unnoticed. It was that Chris had been so sunk in despair, hatred and fury that he hadn’t known anyone was watching. The people responsible for Sarah and Adam’s death, and even after so long Chris still believed it was no accident, could have been the ones watching. Anyone he’d put away could have hired someone to kill him, or done the job themselves, and Chris wouldn’t have been in any shape to have stopped them.
Shifting uncomfortably in his hospital bed, Chris looked out the window at the bright sky outside. It was like something out of a stupid romance novel and he didn’t like being that trite.
“Are you out of your God damned mind?”
Chris glared over at his oldest friend and snapped, “I suppose he went cryin’ on your shoulder.”
“Not until after he’d gotten so drunk anyone could’ve slit his throat for the money he ain’t got,” Buck snapped back, stalking in the rest of the way. “It’s a good thing he kept some of the sense God gave him and called me before he got so bad off that he couldn’t remember doing it. Unlike you.”
Not in the mood to deal with Buck’s anger when he had so much of his own, Chris shouted, “It ain’t your business, Buck!”
“The hell it ain’t!” Buck shouted back. “That boy’s the best damn thing to happen to you since Sarah and Adam and you just threw his love right back in his face! That’s about the lowest thing I ever seen you do, Larabee, and I’m damned if I’ll let you get away with being such a coward!”
“Gentlemen! Please! This is a hospital!” a nurse exclaimed, hurrying between them.
Chris held Buck’s glare for a long moment before crumbling. His head hurt from all the emotions raised up anyhow. He didn’t really have the energy for the all-out battle that Buck was obviously prepared for. Sighing, he waved the nurse aside and apologized, “Sorry, ma’am. We’ll be quiet now.”
She glared at them both a moment longer, as if making sure of that, then left them. The door closed solidly behind her.
Still pissed, Buck stayed where he was, arms crossed over his chest. “Why the hell did you do it?”
It was hard to think of an
answer at all, let alone a good one. No, Chris
thought. There isn’t any good reason for
shoving Vin away like that. None at
all.
“Chris? What is it?” Buck asked, voice finally softening.
Chris looked out the window at the blue sky again, trying to figure out how to answer him. When he spoke again, the words came from somewhere dark and jagged with remembered pain... “I can’t go through that again.”
And Buck, bless him, knew exactly what Chris was talking about without needing any further explanation. Passing a hand over his eyes, Buck sighed, sitting heavily in the chair beside the bed. Shaking his head, Buck looked at him and asked, “What did you think would happen, Chris? You burrow under his skin and somehow manage to keep yourself free and clear? It don’t work that way and you know it.”
“He was there, Buck. He saw me...I was...” Chris’ jaw clenched shut on the words ‘weak’ and ‘lost’ and even worse. Buck knew better than anyone just what he was back then. “How can he look at me and not see...that?”
Buck groaned and looked like he wanted to hit Chris in the head, but he only said, “Because he loves you. Despite you being an ornery, no-good, emotionally-stunted bastard, he loves you. And so help me God, Chris, if you fuckin’ hurt him any more than you already have, then I’m going to start wondering what I see in you. I might not know what the boy’s been through, but I know he let you in against his better judgment and if you push him away, I really don’t see him recovering.”
Which was more truth that Chris wanted to hear, even though he knew it before buck said the words. He couldn’t help the way he was. He wanted Vin, wanted him so bad, and he knew it was love, too, but at the same time his heart quailed in unreasoning fear the same as his pride was stung with no real cause. Chris knew Vin would never hold that time against him, knew it as surely as the sky was blue. Meeting Buck’s clear eyes, Chris asked, “How bad did I fuck up?”
“Well. You tell me. He was drunk enough not to be able to walk straight last night and puking up his guts this morning.”
Chris winced.
“Yeah, exactly. So what’re you going to do about it?”
Thinking about it a moment, Chris asked, “You think you can get him down here? Or I could sneak out and...”
“Don’t even think about it,” Buck ordered sharply. “You’re not getting out of that bed until the doctors say so, no matter what.”
With a sigh, Chris repeated, “You think you can get him back down here?”
“I’ll try,” Buck answered.
And that was all Chris could hope for.
* * * *
Even in his short stint as an FBI agent, JD was pretty sure he’d rather have the bullets flying around him again instead of trying to not notice just how miserable Vin was. Buck had made the other agent promise to stick around until he got back from the hospital. Not that he’d said that was where he was going, but it was pretty obvious. Buck had kissed him outside of Vin’s sight and told him to keep an eye on the sniper.
For the couple of hours Buck was gone, Vin dozed on the sofa and JD stayed on the chair to the side, listening to his iPod and chatting online with his friends from back East. He’d left glasses of water beside the sofa now and again and when he wasn’t looking, Vin drank them. It JD’s second up-close and personal view of a breaking heart and hurt just as fierce as the first time, though time had dulled his remembrances of his mother just enough not to cause active pain. Watching Vin now, though, brought back all those memories and feelings, which made him want to jump on Buck and cling to him the moment he set foot back in the house.
That, unfortunately, didn’t happen. One look at Buck when he came back kept JD in his chair.
Vin cracked an eyelid at Buck and observed, “There’s only one of you now.”
Snorting, Buck replied, “That’s an improvement. Get your skinny butt up. We’re going for a ride.”
‘We’ being him and Vin, clearly, and JD sighed his disappointment. If Buck saw anything in his face when the big man briefly looked his way, there was no sign of it.
Vin slowly stood and asked, “Where we goin?’”
Buck didn’t answer, just stepped back so the path to the door was open. Vin sighed, but nodded and gave JD a forlorn wave before striding out of the house.
JD’s eyes lowered to his screen, not wanting to get in the way, and was surprised when Buck called his name. Looking back at the other man, he was surprised again to find a tender expression in place.
“You and me are gonna talk when I get back, little man,” Buck promised, pointing a finger at him.
The hand didn’t lower until JD hesitantly pointed his finger back at Buck. He wasn’t sure of the significance, but knew it was because of the pleased smile on the other’s face before Buck left. Sighing in disappointment when the door was locked behind Buck, JD turned back to his computer for a few minutes then closed it and stood to get something to eat.
Not that he had an appetite, but he shouldn’t go the whole day without eating or Buck would skin him alive. The man had a thing for making sure he had food at all hours of the day. There were times when he wondered if maybe Buck had gone without food at some point in his life to be so paranoid that JD had enough to eat.
Staring at the fridge, he sighed when nothing struck his fancy then said to the empty house, “Fuck it. I’m ordering pizza,” and headed for the phone.
* * * *
Vin didn’t know what to expect when he poked his head in Chris’ hospital bed, but the man asleep wasn’t it. He stepped in silent as he knew how, cushioning the door so that it made no noise, then walked over to the bed so that his boots didn’t make any sound. Staring down at the calm, though slightly pinched, face, Vin asked himself for the thousandth time what the hell he thought he was doing. It was only going to cause them both more pain than it was worth. If he left now, Chris could forget he ever existed and move on.
And Vin would figure out how to live with half a heart somehow. He hadn’t needed one so far, going back to that shouldn’t be so hard. He’d turned to leave when Chris whispered his name. For a long moment, Vin didn’t turn back, certain that he’d never be able to leave if he didn’t go right then and there.
“Vin, please. Don’t leave me.”
The pain in Chris’ voice was enough to tighten Vin’s throat and he sighed heavily before facing Chris. Still flat on his back, Chris’ hand reached out to him, shaking, unsteady and weakened, as he waited for it to be taken. It took a long minute before Vin couldn’t take it anymore. Just as the hand began to fall, unable to support itself any longer, he caught it. Closing the remaining distance between them, sitting on the edge of the bed, Vin curled the hand to his chest and bent his head so that he could kiss the work-roughened knuckles.
“I’m sorry.”
Vin nodded, holding tight to the hand without meeting Chris’ gaze.
“Vin please, forgive me?”
Nodding again, Vin whispered, “Nothing to forgive, Cowboy. Just...don’t do it again, okay?”
Chris’ fingers tightened on his hand and he whispered, “I won’t. I swear it.”
Vin kissed the back of Chris’ hand next and then brought it up to his face before finally looking at the other man. Amidst the pain and fear and, yes, anger, Vin could spy love and hope. They were lesser than the others, but maybe, with care and patience they would grow.
Fortunately, Vin had both those qualities in spade.