Johnny stared out the window, unable to believe what Sarah was telling him. It was a few weeks since his kidnapping and everything had seemed to go back to normal. He'd returned to schooling the kids, continued his research into the Armageddon, kept digging at Stillson, praying for a way to bring him down, and was trying to get JJ to open up to him. Sarah had taken to keeping him company a couple of nights a week while they watched JJ playing in the yard.

Mostly because Bruce was suddenly and extremely occupied with work these days. Something that left Johnny disgruntled and irritated, though he couldn't have said why. He knew that Bruce had his own life and aside from that, there had been that weird collapse at the hospital after Johnny had been returned. No one would say anything about what had caused it, other than that Bruce was fine now and it wouldn't happen again.

Shaking his head, Johnny turned to her and denied, "Not a chance."

"I'm telling you it's true," Sarah snapped. "Why would I make something like that up?"

"I don't know but, no, I'd remember!" he exclaimed.

Arms crossing over her chest, Sarah stated, "Bruce and you were a couple for a number of weeks. His mother won't talk to him because of it. You ran off to Boston because you wanted to stop that from happening."

Feeling very much like the rug had been yanked out from under him, Johnny paced to the sofa and sat down. Running a hand through his hair, he squinted over at Sarah and asked, "Why wouldn't I remember it? I've remember everything else that's happened since then."

She joined him there and answered, "I don't know, Johnny. But you don't remember everything, do you?"

Knowing that she was talking about the kidnapping itself, Johnny nodded, miserable. Every time he thought about it, his stomach hurt and his vision grew shaky.

"They did something to do, brainwashed you or something," she continued gently, gripping his leg.

And suddenly he was outside himself, watching himself, naked and screaming in agony in a small, windowless room. Wires that he couldn't remove were attached to his body, sending shocks through him.

Johnny returned to himself, screaming with the echo of the pain and on the floor. Sarah was hovering anxiously, reaching for him, but he scrambled backwards, out of her reach, gasping, "Don't touch me! Don't!"

She drew back as he shuddered violently, trying to put the memory or vision out of his head. Trying to get control of himself.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Johnny's head snapped over at Bruce's hard voice. His eyes took in the changes that he hadn't noticed when he was at the hospital; the too-thin look, the redness of Bruce's eyes, the tired, pinched look on his face, now competing with worry. The other man checked his movements when Johnny flinched back. Johnny was shocked at the level of hurt on Bruce's face before the black man turned and walked back out.

Something inside felt like it was breaking and he groaned, curling in on himself.

"Johnny, Johnny come on, it's okay," Sarah offered helplessly.

But it wasn't. That single, excruciatingly pained look on Bruce's face convinced him of the truth of Sarah's words as nothing else would have.

* * * *

"I didn't know."

Standing so stiff that his back hurt, Bruce nodded and agreed, "I know. The doctors thought it would be better if we didn't tell you."

"What about you?" Johnny questioned softly. "It wasn't better for you."

With a shrug, Bruce said, "If I got you back in the end, this wouldn't have mattered."

"But you might not."

"But I might not."

Johnny's fingers pinched the bridge of his nose and Bruce longed to just pull the other man into his arms. He was dying to hold Johnny, to breathe in his scent, touch his soft hair. Dying to taste his skin and suck him down. Shuddering faintly at the thought, Bruce forced the emotions down as he turned away from the other man. "The irony is that everyone else has gotten what they want out of this except us. Purdy and my Mom are both thrilled that we're not together. I'm sure that Sarah and Walt are relieved, too, though at least they feel bad about it."

Johnny gave him a sharp look, snapping, "I don't care what they want, Bruce. I want, need, to know what was done to me! And I can't bear..."

Looking back at Johnny, Bruce was startled at the level of despair on the other man's face. He took an automatic step to close the distance between them, then swore and stopped short. Taking a breath, he asked softly, "Can't bear what, John?"

"Can't bear to see you like this," Johnny whispered in response. "It...hurts more than whatever they did. I'm like two different people. I want so much to hold you, but I get sick every time I really think about it."

Bruce frowned. "That's a conditioned response."

"I know. I've got an appointment with a de-programming specialist that Walt knows."

Shocked speechless, Bruce just stood there a long moment. "You... really?"

Half-grinning, Johnny nodded and answered, "Really. I know that what we had was special, even if I don't remember it. I know because it hurts, really hurts, when I think about living without you. Even with this damned...brainwashing! I...God, Bruce, help me!"

Bruce could no more deny that than he could cut out his own heart. He strode to Johnny and yanked him close, wrapping his arms around the other man's neck and back. Johnny's arms went around him as well, clinging, and for a too-short time, Bruce felt whole again. Then Johnny shoved him away to be violently sick on the floor a short distance away. Bruce rushed to him, but Johnny had just enough sense to wave him away, even while heaving his lunch onto the rug.

Helpless and furious, Bruce waited until Johnny had regained control of himself before asking, "You want some water?"

"Yes, please."

Bruce hurried out of the study to the kitchen, grabbing the water and then returning as fast as he could. He stayed as far from Johnny as he could to hand him the glass.

Panting and shaking, Johnny sipped at the water. Wiping at his face, he said, "This has to stop. I wanted to, to see you, to touch you, despite that, you know, reaction. I was hoping it wouldn't be that bad, but..."

"What did the specialist say?" Bruce questioned.

"That it's going to be a long road to recovery. Familiar refrain, huh?"

Crouching down, Bruce smiled through his seriousness as he replied, "You're the strongest man I know, Angel. If anyone can beat this, you can."

A little hope entered the blue eyes staring back at him, and a wistful expression surfaced. "Angel?"

"My Angel," Bruce confirmed. "Always."

* * * *

Johnny looked nervously around the room, taking in the soothing colors and furniture. The woman in the other chair smiled at him, reassuring, but Johnny was anything but comfortable. Dr. Kayla MacPherson was a petite, gentle woman with an indomitable air and one of the most down-to-earth people he'd ever met. She reminded him of Bruce, which was the real reason he'd accepted her at Walt's suggestion.

"Are you ready?"

Glad that she hadn't asked if he was comfortable, Johnny nodded.

"Close your eyes and start counting back from 100."

He did so, not sure what difference it would make. Her voice covered his in a soft but compelling fashion, murmuring words that he couldn't make out because he was concentrating on the countdown.

* * * *

Feeling sore and out of breath, Johnny unclenched his fingers and shook them out, wincing at the blood where he'd broken through the skin. He swallowed against an extremely dry and scratchy throat and looked around the room for Kayla. He found her pouring a drink from a crystal bottle and watched as she downed the liquor. Eyebrows arched in shock, he asked, "That bad?"

Or, he tried to. His throat actually hurt when he tried to speak and his hand went to it, rubbing automatically. She poured another drink and brought it over to him, holding it out wordlessly. Her grim manner was the only prompting that he needed to down the burning liquor as well. It felt good, exploding in his stomach and soothing his throat, though he coughed on the fumes.

Clearing her throat, she stated, "I am going to nail these fuckers to the wall for what they did to you, Johnny. And then I'm going to go to fuck them over."

The utter seriousness in her tone frightened him enough to hold the glass out again. Wordless now, she grabbed the bottle and poured again.

* * * *

It was a fun house, nightmarish vision of faces coming and going.

Being strapped to a metal table.

Drugs injected.

Bitter, bitter cold alternating with stifling, breath-stealing heat.

Every time he caught a glimpse of a face, he'd try to stop and memorize, but they invariably faded away into oblivion.

The voices though, the voices were easier to concentrate on. There was one in particular that he knew. One that he'd trusted. One that had betrayed him.

* * * *

Bruce took one look at Johnny and backed up. It had been over a month since the sessions had started and while they were all bad, he could tell when the really bad ones happened. To his surprise, though, Johnny aimed right for him and put his arms around Bruce's neck. He waited, but Johnny didn't push him away this time, instead holding tight. Bruce tentatively returned the embrace, cradling more than holding the other man.

"Hold me," Johnny whispered, voice cracking. "Please."

Shuddering at the need, and his own rising adamantly to the surface, Bruce tightened his arms and buried his face in the hollow of Johnny's throat. He was waiting for the other man to pull back, though he was desperate for it not to happen. The last few weeks had been a test of their commitment, no doubt about that, but Bruce had never been tempted to quit. He'd made do with the fact that Kayla said that Johnny was doing exceptionally well, taking her word for it.

Of course, the lack of screaming these days was a serious bonus.

And now the proof was in his arms. Bruce went rigid when Johnny's lips touched just below his ear. A shaking that he couldn't control ran through him and he moaned, holding even tighter. It would be cruel to be given this kind of hope to have it snatched away.

"It's okay, Bruce, you don't have to be strong anymore," Johnny murmured. "Let it go. I'm here now, I'm back. I'm yours and you're mine for the rest of our lives."

Hearing those words drove what little strength that he had from Bruce and his knees buckled. Johnny went down with him, not letting him go, even through the wracking sobs that took control of him.

* * * *

Lying on the floor, his head on Johnny's lap, Bruce was only dozing lightly when the voices penetrated.

"It's fine," Kayla said softly. "I've been waiting for it, actually. Made sure not to schedule any appointments after yours since I first met Bruce."

Johnny's fingers ran over his head, soothing, as he answered, "He's always been here for me, never asking for anything in return. He's so good, Kayla, why would they do this to us? To him?"

"You know why."

There was a heavy sigh before Johnny agreed, "Yeah. And I still can't believe it."

"What are you going to do?"

"What can I do officially? We don't have any proof. My brain's already messed up enough to make me an unreliable witness for anything, let along something as traumatic as this."

"But you're not going to let this lie."

"Fuck no. No, I'll make sure...well, not that you need to know the details."

Bruce protested the hard tone, curling closer into Johnny's warmth, nuzzling his stomach. Hands gripped his shoulders, then rubbed between them as tender lips kissed his temple.

"It's okay, Bruce, I promise. Sleep."

And he was so exhausted that not even the hard floor, or the continuing voices disturbed him enough to move from where he was. He'd waited too damn long to be held like this again.

* * * *

"I still can't believe you let me sleep like that."

Johnny grinned at Bruce's grumble and squeezed the arm around Bruce's waist. "You needed the sleep."

"It's embarrassing, man!" Bruce protested with a groan.

Laughing softly, Johnny pulled out his keys and unlocked the front door, disengaging from Bruce to undo the security system. Once the other man had shut and locked the door, Johnny reset the system with the new security codes. It was an entirely new system, one that Walt had personally installed, only three weeks old. When he and Kayla had started figuring out who had been behind his kidnapping.

"Hey. You all right?"

Bruce's hesitant question brought Johnny back to the present and he smiled, reaching up to brush his knuckles over his lover's cheek. His lover. God, it felt good to even think that. No residual nausea. No headaches. No dizziness or imbalance. He and Kayla were still working on a lot of things, but at least the physical associations were gone. Dark fingers took his and Johnny's breath caught at the need in Bruce's eyes. "God, Bruce, I love you. I can't believe you stuck with me."

Releasing a shaky breath, Bruce answered, "You want to tell me who was behind all this? I heard part of it, but..."

"Later," Johnny promised, bringing the fingers to his lips. "Time for plans later, after we've taken care of more important things."

Bruce frowned. "More important thmph..."

Seizing Bruce's mouth in a hard, desperate kiss, Johnny backed him up against the wall. He had to do this now, had to have what he'd been missing all this time. He wanted so much, wanted the moans that Bruce was uttering, wanted the hands gripping his ass to hold him tight. His cock was hard and throbbing in no time flat and he rubbed shamelessly against Bruce's cock, provoking a loud groan.

Johnny sucked on Bruce's tongue, thrilling to the body beneath his, lusting for more but wanting to give the other man release hard and fast. Bruce had been through just as much hell as he had, just a different kind, and they both needed it. A leg hooked over his hip and Johnny growled in possessive need, holding it with one hand and pressing even harder against Bruce's cock, fucking Bruce even with their pants still on.

Moaning and gasping into Johnny's mouth, Bruce jerked violently against him, coming. It only took a few more seconds for Johnny to do the same, leaning heavily on his lover, panting as his head dropped to Bruce's shoulder.

They stood there a few minutes when Bruce chuckled and kissed the side of his throat. "Welcome home, Angel."

Johnny grinned in return and finally let go of Bruce's leg, pulling back with a quick kiss. "Thanks. Now get your ass upstairs and in the shower."

Heat rekindled in Bruce's dark eyes, though whether at the location or command, Johnny wasn't sure. Maybe it was both. Either way, Bruce swallowed heavily and nodded. Feeling reckless, Johnny pulled him in and sucked at the juncture of throat and shoulder. Bruce shuddered and moaned beneath him, then swayed when Johnny bit him hard.

"Fuck!"

"Upstairs, Bruce, now."

* * * *

Bruce moaned as Johnny continued to tease him with licks up and down his cock. He finally understood the benefits of a cockring as orgasm threatened a third time, held off only by the thinnest of threads. They'd jerked each other off in the shower and slept a little after that. Bruce had woken in the large bed to Johnny sucking his limp cock into hardness. Now, between the fingers in his ass and the mouth on his cock, Bruce was about ready to come. "God, John, fuck me, please!"

Pulling off, Johnny ordered, "On your side."

Goosebumps erupted at the command and Bruce couldn't believe how much of a turn-on this new side of Johnny was. He instantly moved onto his side, then followed Johnny's directions to lift his leg. His breath held as the tip of Johnny's cock breached him, pushing forward slow, but relentless. Panting at the feeling of fullness, there was no pain since Johnny had so thoroughly played with him, Bruce moaned in disappointed bliss as orgasm ripped through him.

Johnny held him tight, his arm around Bruce's waist, and Bruce was surprised when he felt the hot flood of come spill inside him without any thrusting. Then again, Johnny was probably as desperate for it as he was, considering they'd both gone without since the kidnapping.

"Bruce, can I, I'm still hard..."

Laughing breathlessly, Bruce agreed, "I can tell."

Chuckling against Bruce's back, Johnny kissed a shoulder blade then asked, "I want you, can I?"

"God, yes, John, anything Angel, anything you want!" Bruce exclaimed.

He was slick from come and lube, so Johnny's cock moved easily inside Bruce. When Johnny's hand gripped and twisted Bruce's cock, his head fell back on Johnny's shoulder. "Want you to come with me again, come on Bruce, come on me, come with me. Need you so bad, fucking need you forever, no one will separate us again, I'll kill them first, never happen again!"

Johnny's words, as much as his hand and cock, brought Bruce back to hardness. The thrusts rocked his entire body as Johnny loved him harder than he'd ever been loved before. Bruce's hand reached back, his fingers clenched Johnny's ass, silently urging more because he literally couldn't speak for moaning.

Leaning almost completely on Bruce, driving him into the mattress, Johnny rammed into him over and over. His hand reached down below to hold and roll the heavy balls. Bruce couldn't tell which way was up as he shouted into the pillow when his prostate was hit time and again.

"Coming! Bruce, I'm coming!" Johnny hissed, humping into Bruce.

The world exploded at those words and the seed bursting inside him.

* * * *

Johnny groaned at the stiffness in his leg. He'd pretty much blacked out after coming in Bruce the last time and was still draped over the other man, his cock inside Bruce. He slowly and carefully pulled out of his lover, wincing at the pained moan it provoked. Kissing Bruce's back in apology, he whispered, "Sorry, Bruce."

Chuckling, Bruce rolled totally on his stomach and looked at Johnny, a thoroughly sated look on his face as he said, "Anytime, Angel, anything you want. Four times in, what, an hour? Hour and a half, tops? I think you killed me."

A flush heated through him.

"And you can still blush after that performance?" Bruce crowed, squirming closer to kiss the tip of his nose. Dark eyes shining, he continued, "My Angel. Only you."

Snickering, Johnny ordered fondly, "Come here, you."

It took some maneuvering, what with Johnny's sore leg and Bruce's tender ass, but they managed with Bruce lying on Johnny, face to face. Well, face to chest since Bruce was a little lower than that. Johnny's hand rested on the broad back and he murmured, "I love you, Bruce."

"Love you too, Angel."

Johnny enjoyed the way Bruce fell asleep on him, bestowing total trust in that simple action. It wasn't something that he took lightly. A trust that Johnny fully intended to vindicate by tearing down Gene Purdy in a way that would make him completely unable to do something like this ever again to anyone. What he'd been through hadn't killed him.

It had made him stronger than Purdy would ever believe.