On his way home from a particularly hard day in court, collar turned up against the cold January air, a familiar walk behind him caused Matt to grin. He’d been hearing that walk a lot lately, ever since his fight with Kingpin and Elektra leaving town a few months ago. Turning the corner, he paused and then brought his cane up sharp just as the other man came on level with the building.

His voice mild, Matt questioned, “Didn’t anyone ever tell you that it’s not polite to sneak up on a blind man?”

A soft laugh filled the air and Ben answered, “A normal blind man, sure, but you’re not normal, are you Matt?”

“Depends on your definition,” Matt pointed out dryly. “Something I can help you with?”

“Just wondering about Kel Rez. You planning on doing anything about him in the near future? Or is his little rampage through the city going to keep on going?”

Matt stiffened a little, the shrewd, knowing tone not escaping his notice. It was one thing for the reporter to hint around about knowing that Matt was Daredevil, but quite another for the other man to come right out with it. Even that night on the rooftop, Matt hadn’t confirmed to the reporter who he was. “Now what could I do about Rez?”

“I wonder.”

When nothing else was said, Matt prompted, “Anything else?”

“Not really. Just thought I’d let you know that I’m meeting up with Rez tonight at midnight over at the old Garrison’s Warehouse,” Ben informed him.

Alarm flared through Matt and he pointed out, keeping his tone as neutral as he could, “That’s not a very smart thing to do. Rez is dangerous. Really dangerous.”

“I’m a reporter. Comes with the territory, remember? I’ll see you around, Councilor.”

Matt listened to the familiar footsteps fading away and felt like tying Ben up and stashing him away somewhere safe. He’d never met a more arrogant man in his life. The reporter was supremely unconcerned with his own well-being and Matt had had to more than once step in to save his life.

It was starting to piss him off.

Grumbling to himself, he continued his way home, thoughts revolving around the odd man who’d been a staunch ally of his and Daredevil’s ever since the reporter had discovered who he was. From before then, really, if he thought about the favorable articles Ben had written. Though how that had happened, Matt still didn’t know. Ben had covered for him several times over the last few months, giving Matt an alibi whenever he needed one and supplying him with information. Nothing ever so blatant as tonight, though, and that worried Matt.

Unlocking his apartment, Matt walked towards his bedroom, rubbing a sore neck. He’d been up for the last twenty-four hours straight and if he was going to face Kel Rez later, he absolutely had to get some sleep.

When Matt climbed into the isolation tank, though, sleep eluded him. The warm water lapped soothingly at his body, a gentle caress that usually sent him into slumber without too maybe problems. He hadn’t yet ‘seen’ what Ben looked like and that irked him a little. He knew the other man was shorter than him, and his voice was tinged with the typical New Yorker accent, bringing with it a comfortable sense of home he hadn’t gotten from Elektra’s cultured voice.

And why the hell was he comparing Ben to Elektra?

Groaning, knowing the answer, Matt’s hand slid down his body to grip his cock as he tried to imagine what the other man looked like and how he’d be in bed. Energetic, Matt was positive. There was practically a field of energy coming from Ben every time they talked, the banter flowing easy and sure between them. His hand stroked and twisted as he tried to picture Ben touching and caressing him, kissing him with the strength the reporter brought to everything.

“Ben! OhGod!”

Matt came hard, exploding over his hand and against the top of the tank, his shout echoing back at him almost painfully loud. Panting, Matt took a few minutes to calm his breathing and rinse his hand in the water, flipping on the switch that would recycle the liquid until it was clean.

This time, he was able to sleep.

* * * *

Ben would never admit it, but he was nervous. The warehouse he’d agreed to meet Rez at was abandoned, naturally, as were the other buildings in the area. It would be just him, Rez, and the rats if Matt didn’t show up. And Rez was scarier than Kingpin because the hood had no ties to the legit world. He murdered and extorted and stole at will, not even caring that the cops knew it was him. Actually craving them to know it was him, which was nominally the reason he’d agreed to talk to Ben.

His editor had ordered him not to go, Matt had just as clearly told him the same thing, and now Ben was starting to think that maybe he should’ve listened. Because no matter how hard he looked, he didn’t see any sign of the blind superhero.

“Urich.”

Jumping a little in fright, Ben turned at the gruff voice and found Rez standing a short distance away as tall, big, and ugly as his pictures made out. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“You’re looking nervous, Urich. Why’s that, I wonder? Did you call the cops to set me up?”

“No!” Ben exclaimed, standing his ground as the criminal approached. “No, of course not! I know better than that.”

“Good,” Rez said.

For a long moment, neither said anything, then Ben pulled his small tape recorder from his pocket and asked, “Can I record this? Helps me keep things accurate.”

“Yeah, sure,” Rez agreed carelessly.

That gave him pause and Ben suddenly wondered what was really going on. He hadn’t been a reporter as long as he had without developing survival instincts. “Ah, good. Great. Okay then, first, I was wondering about your name, where it…”

“Is this a private party, or can anyone crash?”

Again jumping in surprise, this time at Matt’s voice, Ben looked up to find the leather-clad man sitting in the rafters on a metal pipe, his legs dangling in the air.

“I been waiting for you, Daredevil!”

Rez’s declaration took Ben by surprise, but he didn’t have time to do anything because the large man shoved him hard into the nearest wall. His head cracked painfully against the plaster and he groaned. Blinking away the tears of pain, Ben flinched on hearing gunfire and dropped to the floor instinctively. He looked over to find Matt on the ground, jumping and leaping to avoid the bullets flying at him. It was an incredible sight and Ben couldn’t tear his eyes from it.

Matt reached Rez in less than ten seconds despite the acrobatics, and a long leg kicked the gun from the felon’s hand. The two of them were equal in length and reach, but Rez outweighed Matt by a good fifty pounds of muscle, and that showed in their battle. It was vicious and bloody, fists whaling and pummeling each other without mercy.

Ben didn’t even think when Matt went down. He just bolted to his feet and lurched into the fray before Rez could finish off the downed man by breaking his neck. Jumping on Rez’s back, Ben wrapped his arms tight around the criminal’s throat and squeezed, hanging on for dear life when the man roared and staggered to his feet. He was slammed into the wall repeatedly, his grip weakening as the pain ripped through him.

Then Matt was there, driving an uppercut into Rez’s chin that snapped the big man’s head back with an audible crack. Ben just barely remembered to let go as Rez collapsed unconscious to the floor. Staggering a couple of paces away to get his balance, Ben panted and tried to catch his racing heart.

Strong hands gently gripped his shoulder and back and Matt asked, “You all right? Are you hurt?”

“Just my p-pride,” Ben answered gamely, groaning as he straightened.

Fingers, sure and swift, touched him, pressing all along his ribs and provoking more pain. “Nothing’s broken, but you’ll be bruised for a few days. As long as you take it easy, you’ll be okay.”

Before Matt could leave, Ben grabbed his shoulder with, “Wait!”

“What?” Matt demanded. “I have some trash to take out.”

Grimacing, Ben replied, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have set you up like this.”

Matt sighed. “It’s okay. I would’ve taken him down sooner or later, I just couldn’t find the bastard. Just do me a favor?”

“Name it.”

“Don’t do this again. You’re only human, Ben, and you can be badly hurt or killed next time.”

And then Matt was gone, slinging Rez over his shoulders and striding out of the empty warehouse to leave Ben with more questions than ever at the final statement.

* * * *

It was kind of amusing to give Ben a complete red herring to chew over, suiting Matt’s perverse sense of humor. ‘You’re only human,’ could mean that Matt himself wasn’t. Or that Matt couldn’t be killed. Smirking at the thought, he waited for Franklin to show up, sipping at his tea and reaching for the honey to add some more.

Instead of the familiar plastic honey container, he met up with a warm hand.

“That wasn’t very nice, you know,” Ben announced.

Assuming an innocent expression, Matt replied, “What wasn’t nice?”

“I’ve spent the last three days checking into your…origins. Time that I could have spent on a legitimate story, I might add.”

Lips twitching, Matt pointed out, “Don’t believe everything you hear, Ben.”

“Uh huh. Thanks.”

“How’re your ribs?” Matt asked innocently.

Ben snorted. “Fine, thanks. Good as new.”

Grinning, Matt prompted, “Something I can do for you?”

“Just wondering what you were doing for dinner tonight.”

Matt froze in surprise. “Huh?”

“Dinner. You know, that meal you eat after a long, hard day trying to put criminals where they belong?” Ben teased.

Unable to help the suspicion, Matt questioned, “Why?”

There was a pause before Ben answered, “Because I want to see you for more than five minutes at a time or when one of us is in life-and-death danger. And you know, as hot as you are with those sunglasses on, I’d really like to see your eyes right now.”

Matt instinctively pulled back as fingers touched his temples, resting on the frames, but forced himself not to pull away altogether. The glasses were slowly and carefully taken from his face and he stared unseeing in Ben’s direction. After a short pause, he prompted, a little defensive, “Well?”

“Just as incredible as I thought,” Ben murmured. The glasses were pressed into his hand, nimble fingers briefly clasping his own, then the reporter continued, “I’ll see you tonight after court. Good luck, Councilor.”

The chair scraped back and Matt was about to protest the leaving when he hear Franklin’ voice approaching and silently cursed the interruption.

When his friend arrived and sat in the chair Ben had vacated, Franklin asked, “What was that all about?”

“Nothing,” Matt answered flatly.

“Didn’t look like nothing to me.”

“Franklin, just drop it, okay?”

“Fine, fine. Hey, guess who I got an email from today?”

Matt let Franklin’ chatter wash over him, grunting affirmatively or negatively when necessary, but was mostly just reliving the few moments of Ben’s fingers on his. The pressure had been light, barely there, and even in that brief time, he’d felt the electricity humming through them.

“So then I said, ‘Sorry Your Honor, but I really think that robe makes you look fat.”

Jolted from his thoughts at the comment, Matt shook his head and replied, “I wouldn’t put it past you.”

“Come on, Matt, this is me! You know you can tell me anything,” Franklin pleaded. “What did the reporter want?”

Feeling a twinge of guilt at the big secret he kept from Franklin, Matt admitted, “He’s uh, he asked me out for dinner tonight.”

“You son of a gun! Here I thought he was stalking you for a story, but he wants your bod!” Franklin exclaimed.

Matt groaned.

* * * *

Slipping into the court room, Ben took the last seat and settled in to watch and wait as Matt finished up his final statement. It was a different venue for the young lawyer, being the defense attorney for a man accused of murder, instead of being the lawyer for the plaintiff.

“The man you see before you is innocent, and that is not a word that I throw around lightly,” Matt said seriously. “We have refuted every single piece of so-called evidence that the prosecution presented to you. This is nothing more than a witch-hunt from a D.A. looking to make a name for himself at the expense of my client. If you can see past the hoopla and name-calling and circumstantial evidence, as I know you all can, then you will find my client innocent of all charges, as he rightfully deserves. Thank you.”

Nice, Ben thought, as Matt turned from the jury box and smoothly took his seat at the table. He could see the jurors almost all looked thoughtful, which could only be a good thing for Matt’s case.

The judge dismissed the jury to deliberations and then the court itself until a verdict came back. Ben stood with everyone else, and waited for the room to filter clear. As Matt came down the aisle with his partner, Franklin Nelson, he was in deep conversation with the other man. Ben almost didn’t interrupt, but Franklin caught his eye and grinned, falling back with a wink.

Smirking at the trick, Ben took the bigger man’s place and walked Matt out, the slender lawyer not missing a beat as he finished, “And even if I didn’t know what your after shave smells like, Ben, I know what Franklin uses.”

Ben chuckled and announced, “It was his idea.”

“Hey!” Franklin protested from behind.

“That, I have no trouble believing,” Matt agreed, dry.

“Well, you two have fun on your date. I’ll beep you if the jury comes in,” Franklin promised.

Nodding, Matt replied, “Thanks, Franklin.”

Franklin broke off from them and, after they’d continued down the long hall towards the exit for a bit, Matt stopped suddenly and asked, “Do you mind if I do something?”

“Knock yourself out,” Ben answered.

He was startled when Matt reached for his face, but didn’t move. The hands pressed flat on both sides at first, then the long fingers outlined his features. They moved up and over his head, taking in the bare skin everywhere, prompting a faint grin to hover over Matt’s lips. Ben smiled at the contact and closed his eyes.

After another few seconds of tracing his face, Matt informed him, “You have a nice smile.”

“Thanks. So do you, when you do it.”

“So, where are you taking this poor, disadvantaged, pro-bono lawyer?”

Laughing out loud, Ben said, “I get the hint. And I was thinking Italian, how’s that?”

“Sounds good. Lead on,” Matt said, holding out his hand.

A little surprised, Ben nonetheless took it, wrapping it around his arm as they started walking again. They left the courthouse into a flurry of light snow and Ben hailed a cab, pleasantly surprised when Matt sat fairly close to him on the ride to the restaurant. Once there, he held the door open and took Matt’s hand again, leading him down the block with the cane going tap-tap in front of the taller man.

The cozy Italian restaurant was mostly there for regular romance, but there were a couple of families and groups of friends present to round things out. The owner was friendly to an alternative lifestyle, he liked to cross-dress on special occasions, and so the place was known for a good reception of discreet gay couples. Matt’s blindness allowed for continued personal contact while they were waiting for a table, something that would be frowned on even in this restaurant otherwise.

Once seated, Ben said, “Everything’s good here, what are you in the mood for? Steak, pasta, lasagna?”

“I could go for a steak,” Matt replied, smiling.

“Great, me too! You know, I had a suspicion that you were a vegetarian or something.”

Frowning, Matt asked, “Why is that?”

“I don’t know, you just seem the type,” Ben answered.

Matt snorted. “I think you meant that as an insult, but I’m not sure.”

The waitress arrived just then and Ben watched as Matt flirted with the pretty young woman, commenting on her perfume and how it surely must echo her natural beauty. Figuring that it was probably an automatic survival mechanism on the blind man’s part, Ben didn’t take any offense. He just leaned back and smiled as they interacted, enjoying the faint smile on the other man’s face as he kept the young woman’s attention longer than necessary.

After she left, Ben observed, “You could probably sell ice water to an Eskimo, couldn’t you?”

Surprised, Matt replied, “What do you mean?”

Which confirmed that Matt hadn’t even realized he was doing it. Smiling, Ben answered, “Nothing. So I caught the end of your spiel in court today.”

“Yeah? What do you think? That’s the time I really hate not being able to see, I can’t gauge how the jury is reacting,” Matt admitted.

Ben leaned forward again, setting his elbows on the table, and assured him, “They looked good, Matt, thoughtful. If you lose, it won’t be because of any lack on your part.”

Grim, Matt countered, “I better not lose, or an innocent man goes to jail.”

“Maybe I can help,” Ben offered. “Tell me about the case.”

“I didn’t realize you did human interest pieces, Ben,” Matt half-teased.

Catching the caution in the other man’s voice, Ben replied, “I write what’s newsworthy and keeping an innocent man from jail is just that.”

“You can’t influence the jury, not now.”

“True, and I wouldn’t anyhow if I could. But if he is convicted, I can raise awareness.”

Matt reached out, putting his hand over Ben’s face as he demanded, “Say that again.”

Startled, Ben looked right at him, even though Matt couldn’t see him doing so, and repeated, “I wouldn’t influence the jury if I could, but I sure as hell would raise awareness so any appeals might be helped along. If you say he’s innocent, Matt, then he’s innocent.”

Something like relief mixed with surprise on Matt’s face and the other man sat back in his chair, hands dropping to his side. “Why do you trust me so much? You barely know me.”

The waitress arrived with the drinks and bread, stopping any answer Ben could’ve made, which was just as well. It gave him time to phrase his words so he said what he meant. When she was gone, he said, “You do what’s right, time after time. And yeah, sometimes you get a lot bloody about it, but it’s nothing more than those bastards deserve for what they do. I guess I’m old school, an eye for an eye kind of man, because I don’t think what you’re doing is wrong. You do what the cops can’t. You fix things that the system lets slide. But you also fight from the inside, too, trying to make things better, trying over and over to make the system work, even when it’s a losing battle.

“I guess I…I’m jealous a little, that you can do what I can’t. I envy your strength and your abilities, even though I know they came at a heavy price. Even though I know you’d probably give it all up to get your old man back. And I respect you, too. Can’t remember the last time I said that about anyone, never mind a lawyer,” Ben finished, wry.

“That doesn’t explain why.”

Shrugging, Ben replied honestly, “I don’t know why, I just do. I know you’d never abuse your powers, and I trust you.”

Matt shook his head, a grin surfacing as he commented, “I hope you’re not that subjective with your articles.”

“Nah. It’s just you,” Ben informed him, grinning.

The waitress returned with their food and conversation turned to more general things, regular date-like topics that Ben navigated with ease as he watched the other man eating. Matt was very precise, which was to be expected, and it was an experience to be able to stare all he wanted without making his date nervous. A habit he had that he’d never been able to get rid of, over the years. He liked to look at people, it was part of who he was, after all, and he always felt visually starved when he was interested in someone and couldn’t just look at them.

Matt seemed to enjoy himself, from what Ben could tell, going tit for tat whenever Ben started teasing him about something. They lingered over the food and then again over dessert and wine, interrupted only once when Franklin called to say the jury was going to resume deliberations in the morning. That brought up the actual explanation behind Matt’s belief in his client’s innocence, and Ben listened avidly, making plenty of mental notes and already starting the article in his head in case the man wasn’t acquitted.

By the time they were finished, it was nearly eleven and the restaurant was close to being empty. Despite what he’d said earlier, Matt did protest in earnest when Ben picked up the bill, which caused his respect to rise a few more notches from its already lofty position. When Ben refused to relinquish it, Matt insisted on getting the tip.

Taking Matt’s hand as they stood to leave, he put it on his arm again and was pleasantly surprised at how close the taller man stood as they walked outside. It was a little warmer than before, the air still cold, but no longer bitter. The cane was out, tapping a rhythmic cadence in front of them, and Ben couldn’t help but feel comfortable in the silence. That was a rare thing for him, being comfortable enough with someone to not feel the need to talk.

They walked a few blocks before Ben asked, “You want to hail a cab now?”

“I’m good,” Matt answered, smiling. “What about you? Ribs hurting?”

Ben shook his head and replied, “They’re fine, just like I told you this morning.”

“So what does the intrepid Ben Urich do for fun?” Matt asked, nudging him with his hip.

Smirking, Ben countered, “Hmm…fun…I’ve heard of that.”

Matt laughed outright and said, “Come on, you’ve got to have some kind of hobby. Something you do to relax.”

“Spending time with you.”

Ben cursed the words that escaped his internal censor and waited for the fallout. To his surprise, Matt just looked pleased and didn’t comment as he shifted close enough for their bodies to touch.

Then it started to rain and he exclaimed, “Damnit! Come on, let’s grab a cab!”

“Wait,” Matt said, holding him still.

Strangely, when Matt looked at him right then, it was as though he could really see him, there was recognition in the eyes staring back at him. “We’re getting a little drenched here.”

Matt smiled, his hand reaching up to trace over Ben’s face as he answered, “Yeah, we are.”

“You have a thing for rain?” Ben asked curiously, a grin twitching into place.

The smile twisted a little as Matt agreed, “Something like that. Okay, call us a cab.”

Ben smirked and obliged, “We’re a cab.”

Groaning, Matt complained, “That was so, so bad, Ben. Really.”

With a laugh, Ben left for the curb, keeping an eye out for a cab and waving his hand wildly when one approached, shouting, “Yo! Cab-bie!”

It stopped in a splash of puddle water and Ben spluttered at the perfect wave that caught him in the face. Wiping the crud from his face, he turned back to Matt only to find him walking unerringly towards them. Eyebrow arching in surprise when the other man arrived and opened the door as though he could see before climbing inside, Ben shook his head and hopped into the back seat.

The cab ride was quiet and only a few minutes in, Ben could feel Matt pulling back. It was as if the other had seen something in the rain that had warned him off, though what that could be, he had no idea.

When they pulled up in front of Matt’s place, Matt said, “I’ll give you a call.”

Frowning, knowing it was a kiss off, but not knowing why, Ben agreed slowly, “Sure.”

Matt half-grinned, a wry twist of the lips, and opened the door, walking across the sidewalk to his building. Ben ordered the cabbie, “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

And he hopped out of the car, shouting, “Matt! Wait up!”

Pausing under an overhang, out of the rain, Matt waited for him to get there before asking, “What?”

“What just happened?” Ben demanded, not bothering to get under the shelter. There wasn’t a lot of room anyhow. “One second we were having a good time, and the next, you’re blowing me off. Did I do something? Say something to piss you off? What?”

For a blind man, Matt gave him a really searching look as he countered angrily, “What do you want from me, Ben? A story? To fuck a blind man? Friendship? Something else I can’t think of?”

Taken aback, Ben didn’t answer at first. When Matt turned away, Ben grabbed his arm only to have his wrist taken and twisted, pushing him against the wall. Gasping in pain, Ben tried to yank his arm free of the iron grip and exclaimed, “Stop it! Knock it off, Matt! I’m not the friggin’ enemy, here!”

Matt instantly let go of him, apology instantly written across his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. But I shouldn’t have grabbed you either,” Ben allowed. “As for what I want…whatever you have to give, I guess.”

“No! Do not…don’t give me that crap! What. Do you. Want?”

“I want you.”

“For what purpose?”

“I don’t know. I like you,” Ben admitted.

Blinking in surprise, Matt repeated, “You like me?”

Ben snorted. “Yeah. Go figure. At my age, right? Like you’ve got nothing better than to take up with a forty year old reporter with bad eyes and the worse habit of never being around. But you know what? For the first time in a real long time…I want to be there, Matt, for you. Whatever you want from me, I’ll give it to you.”

“That…sounds like a lot more than just ‘like,’ to me,” Matt said slowly.

Shrugging, Ben replied, “Whatever. Can’t say’s I’ve been in love before, always married to my job, you know? But maybe that’s what this is. Maybe it is love.”

“You don’t even know me. Not really.”

“Yeah, I know. Crazy, huh?”

To that, Matt didn’t reply, just looked at him.

Finally, Ben sighed and said, “Look. I can take a hint, you don’t need to beat me over the head or anything. You know where I am, so if you want to give this a shot, whatever it is, call me. The offer’s on the table.”

Matt didn’t stop him and Ben sighed again as walked back to the cab and opened the door.

“Ben!”

Glancing over at Matt, Ben called back, “What?”

With an uncertain expression, Matt said, “Come to the courthouse tomorrow. Lunch, okay?”

A grin surfaced and Ben found himself nodding, even though Matt couldn’t see it. “I’ll be there!”

Matt nodded as well and started walking again. Ben climbed into the cab, but waited until he saw the younger man enter his building before turning to the cabbie to give him the address. Settling back in the seat, Ben couldn’t help grinning like a loon at the thought that maybe he might have a shot with Matt.

* * * *

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Matt hissed silently to himself as he prowled around his apartment. What the hell are you thinking?

But he knew what he was thinking. He was thinking about how the night had confirmed the intelligence he’d glimpsed in the few meetings he’d had with Ben before. He was thinking that the smell of cigarettes might be something he could get used to. He was thinking that the blunt honesty and the knowledge Ben already had of him was a relief and a bonus, that he didn’t have to hide anything of himself from the other man.

He was also thinking that Ben had a really nice smile, a great voice, and the rumors that went around about bald men in bed.

Groaning, Matt thumped his head against the wall a few times and muttered, “You’re in way over your head here, Murdock. Way, way over your head.”

Ben had won awards for his writing and despite his coverage of Daredevil, the reporter’s reputation was sterling in the newspaper world. He was in a whole different league than the one that Matt was used to being in. This was a man who had the city wired, who knew more people than God, and was on good terms with most of them. A people person who could shmooze, but generally chose not to because he had no use for game playing. His power was very real, for all that it was very different from Matt’s.

What the hell would they have in common?

* * * *

“That’s what dating’s for, you moron,” Franklin exclaimed the next morning, reaching over to smack Matt upside the head.

Matt winced and exclaimed, “Hey!”

“Hey is for horses, and you’re a horse’s ass if you don’t go for it.”

Eyes rolling, Matt demanded, “When did my love life become public consumption?”

“When mine fell in the toilet. Again.”

Grumbling to himself, Matt was about to grumble louder when Franklin’s cell phone rang and the one-sided conversation told him that the jury had come back with a verdict. Franklin hung up and confirmed, “They’re back. Let’s go.”

The second Matt walked into the courtroom, he could feel the charge in the air. The audience was restless as they waited for the jury and judge to enter, chatting not-so-softly about the case. A few minutes after he sat, their client, Larry Wilcox, was brought in and Matt took some time to talk quietly with him. Then the judge and jury were there and he stood with everyone else.

It seemed an eternity later that the judge asked the foreman to read the verdict and he gripped the table, until Not Guilty on All Specifications and Charges passed the foreman’s lips. Grinning broadly, Matt found himself in a bear hug from Larry, and then Franklin, too. The courtroom erupted into a babble of congratulations and damning words from all directions, but Matt held onto Larry as they walked through the mob scene.

Outside at an impromptu press conference, he said, his hand firmly on Larry’s shoulder, “Justice was served today. An innocent man got a fair, impartial trial and is now free to go on with his life. I hope…”

The rest of his words were drowned out by a crazed shout of, “Murderer!” and the explosion of several gunshots. Matt was hit, fire burning through his upper arm and shoulder, and he felt the impact as four bullets tore into Larry to send him careening down onto the steps. Screams and shouts rang out, but Matt ignored them, crawling over to where he thought Larry was and feeling for a pulse. He groaned in anger and pain when there was none to be found, and collapsed the rest of the way to the stairs, his arm and shoulder throbbing.

“Matt! Matt! Shit, there’s blood, oh God, Matt, where are you hurt?”

Strong, familiar hands gripped his face as the perpetual scent of cigarettes and after-shave filled the air. And even though Matt knew it was Ben, he couldn’t figure out how to answer. Everything was in a fog and the other man sounded like he was standing a long distance away.

“Sir, we’ll take care of it, please move,” an unfamiliar voice ordered. “What’s his name?”

“Matt, Matt Murdock,” Ben answered.

“Matt? Can you look at me? Can you focus your eyes on my finger?”

“He’s blind, you moron! Nelson! Where’s his cane?”

“Here, right here, I’ve got it,” Franklin said, suddenly close by.

Groaning again when steady, firm fingers probed his wounds, and now Matt could feel the two distinct points of entry, Matt reached out with his hand and found it filled with the cool, reassuring wood of his cane.

“Two bullet wounds, one in the upper arm, the other in the upper right chest, and he’s in shock,” the EMT reported, pressure applied now to both areas. “We need to get him to the hospital.”

“But he’ll be okay, right?” Ben demanded.

Franklin spoke over Ben with, “Which hospital?”

“St. Jude’s. Here we go.”

He was lifted onto a gurney and Matt knew he was being ridiculous. He’d been much worse hurt under far more horrible circumstances, and yet…he just couldn’t make his body obey him. He could picture so clearly in his head how Larry was sprawled lifeless across the courthouse stairs, his life cut short after a horrific ordeal of false accusations, railroading, and prison time due to being unable to afford bail.

It wasn’t until he smelled the exhaust that he realized he was being put in the ambulance and he bolted upright, fighting against the EMTs who weren’t expecting him to move, let alone be so strong. He struggled and shouted, “I have to go, I have to, to go! Let me go!”

“Matt! Stop it, knock it off!”

Hearing Ben so close, Matt’s hand snapped out and grabbed him. “Don’t leave me, Ben, please, don’t, don’t go. I’m sorry about last night.”

“Hey, easy there, it’s okay, Matt, I promise. I’m not going anywhere, right guys? I’m going to ride with you to St. Jude’s, but you need to lie back and let these guys do their job, okay?” Ben assured him, his voice firm and soothing.

Reluctantly, Matt relaxed back onto the gurney, but didn’t let go. He had the unshakeable feeling that if he did, Ben would not only disappear, but he himself would float away into the darkness. Settled in the ambulance, one of Ben’s hands combed through his hair as the reporter kept up a soft, nonstop litany, grounding him to the real world.

Then the drugs took effect and the blackness sucked him down anyhow.

* * * *

Ben could honestly say he’d never been so shit-scared in his life before seeing Matt covered in his own blood and mute with shock. He’d seen the other man injured before, more than once in fact, but this time had been different. Matt hadn’t been Daredevil, he’d just been Matt, and not expecting any kind of violent attack, let alone one that had ended in the death of an innocent.

It was that, Ben was sure which had thrown Matt into shock; losing his client who’d been standing right at his side. Pacing in the waiting room, clutching the cane that was Matt’s weapon and guide, Ben waited anxiously for news from the doctors.

“Urich! How is he? Where is he?”

Ben turned to see Franklin Nelson’s chunky form barreling at him with surprising speed. Matt’s law partner was generally laid back and easy-going with a speculative gleam in his eyes that had always said he was the only thing keeping the fledgling law firm afloat financially. Holding up a hand, Ben answered, “He’s in surgery, but the nurse said it was a pretty simple procedure. The bullet went through both places, so it was basically just closing him up to stop the bleeding and infection.”

Nelson’s ruddy face relaxed a little at the news and he sighed deeply, wiping the sweat from his forehead. “Thank God.”

“What happened back at the courthouse?” Ben asked.

Anger lit Nelson’s gaze and he replied, “They cuffed the psycho who shot Matt and Larry, and hauled him away, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s a nutcase. He’ll probably get off on an insanity plea and Matt’ll be scarred with guilt for the rest of his life.”

Unfortunately, Ben had to agree with the prediction. When Matt regained consciousness, he was going to feel massive amounts of guilt that he hadn’t stopped the shooting. Feeling a little wary as Nelson’s gaze shifted from angry to shrewd, he asked, “What?”

“So, Urich. What’re your intentions towards my partner?”

Thankfully, someone called out, “Is there someone waiting for word on Matt Murdock?”

Ben gratefully turned towards the voice and hurried over to the doctor, Nelson right on his heels. Getting there first, he asked, “How is he?”

“He’s going to be fine,” the doctor assured him. “He’ll be able to go home tomorrow, if someone can stay with him to make sure he doesn’t overdo.”

Ben nodded and said, “Yeah, that’d be me.”

The doctor didn’t bat an eyelash, just nodded in response and said, “I’ll have a list of instructions for him, but the most important is for him to take it easy and keep the wounds dry and clean. He lost a lot of blood, so he’ll need to drink plenty of liquids.”

“When can we see him?” Nelson asked.

“Check with the nurses’ station and they’ll let you know what room he’s in.”

Relieved, Ben said, “Thanks, Doc.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Nelson echoed.

The man nodded and headed back into the ER.

Feeling unbelievably shaky, Ben headed for the nearest chair and sank into it.

Nelson joined him after a minute and said, “He was lucky.”

“Damn lucky,” Ben agreed.

If that whackjob’s aim had been off, or if Matt had tried to shield the unfortunate Larry, he’d be dead now. It wasn’t something that bore thinking about, not if he didn’t want to restart his ulcer.

* * * *

Ben enjoyed the chance to again watch Matt without being studied in return, but he could definitely have used a different location. He was still holding Matt’s cane, waiting for the other to regain consciousness, alone with him in the semi-private room. Nelson had been called down to the station to give his statement and check on the status of the killer. Ben had deliberately left his cell turned off, not caring about deadlines or statements, just needing to be with Matt when he woke up.

Finally his patience was rewarded when Matt groaned and shifted in the bed, his eyes fluttering open. Smiling in relief, Ben stood from the chair and silently pressed the cane into Matt’s uninjured hand, which closed tightly around it.

“You’re still here?” Matt slurred.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Ben replied, “Yeah of course, where else would I be?”

Matt’s eyes blinked as he winced and answered, “Somewhere else.”

“You want me to go?” Ben suggested, hesitant. Just because Matt had invited him for lunch didn’t mean the other man was even thinking of a relationship.

“No! I mean, no, I’m just…surprised.”

Smiling, Ben wrapped his hand around Matt’s, enclosing the cane in his fist. “The doc said you’re going to be fine. You just need to take it easy for a few days.”

“I need to go home,” Matt said, starting to sound more alert. “I’m not going to be able to sleep here.”

Ben’s smile faded and he asked, “Special facilities?”

“Something like that, yeah,” Matt confirmed awkwardly.

“I can see about getting you released AMA, if you want.”

“That would be great, thanks, Ben.”

Nodding, Ben released Matt’s hand and stood, leaving to search for the doctor. It took some persuasion, but Ben had Matt’s best interests at heart and it must have showed, because the doctor gave him detailed instructions and his business card to call if there were any questions.

Either that or he was looking for a date, Ben was never sure.

Getting Matt dressed and in the wheelchair, and then in the cab, and then to his apartment, took a couple of hours. Watching as Matt unlocked his front door, he waited until the spinning locks had been undone and the door opened before saying, “I bet that keeps the burglars down.”

Matt chuckled. “Haven’t been robbed yet.”

“That’s saying something in this neighborhood,” Ben congratulated.

Once inside the pristine apartment of metal and straight lines, Ben whistled softly in appreciation. “Nice.”

Smiling tiredly, Matt replied, “Thanks.”

It was very nice, too. A lot larger than it had seemed, though the gothic hallway should’ve told him not to expect anything so quaint as a regular apartment. There were vaulted ceilings, a fireplace over by a large bed, a double sink against one wall, and he couldn’t even see the door to the bathroom.

“Where are you going? You need to rest,” he reminded as Matt walked away from the neatly made bed.

With a wry grin, Matt replied, “This is the main reason I never bring dates home.”

Following Matt through the apartment and into another room, his jaw dropped as he took in what looked like some kind of big, metal isolation tank. Matt walked past it to the far wall and pressed something on the wall, hanging up his cane beside four others as he did so. Part of the wall hissed open to reveal another, smaller room, with a table holding mannequin heads and Daredevil masks. Hanging up were the rest of the costumes.

Ben watched as Matt moved to the tank and pressed something along the edge of it. The cover slid open to reveal a tub of water. Blinking in surprise, as the knowledge hit him, he questioned, “You sleep in that?”

“It blocks the sound waves so I can get some peace and quiet,” Matt explained.

“Well you can’t sleep in it with your wounds.”

“I have to if I’m going to get any rest. But don’t worry, I can seal them off.”

“How?”

“You’ll have to help me change, but…”

The costume, right, he realized. It was probably waterproof.

“Can I trust you?”

The sardonic tone of voice asked the question on a few different levels, but Ben chose the least complicated and answered, “I think I can control myself, yeah.”

It took some serious effort to get Matt into the skintight outfit and the taller man groaned in pain several times before they were through. When they were done, Ben was looking at Daredevil, minus the face mask. It was only a few more minutes before Matt was submerged in the water, though his face was clear of it by a couple of inches. Nervous, Ben asked, “You never turn over? What about drowning?”

“Trained myself,” Matt answered simply. “It only takes a few mouthfuls of water to not move around too much.”

Skeptical, Ben replied, “I guess.”

“I’ll see you in the morning. Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Matt hesitated, then said quietly, “Thanks, Ben. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”

Though tempted to brush it off, Ben didn’t. He just nodded and answered, “You’re welcome.”

The tank cover slid shut with a disturbingly loud clank and Ben shuddered, reminded of a coffin. Shaking the unpleasant thought from his mind, he sighed and headed over to the bed on the other side of the apartment. It might only be six at night, but he was exhausted. Collapsing on the comfortable bed, he was asleep almost before his head hit the pillow.

* * * *

Waking in the familiar water an unknown amount of time later, Matt sighed deeply, content to just drift in nothing for a while. He didn’t think about anything; not Larry’s death, not his sure-to-be-grieving sister, Marie, not Franklin, and sure as hell not the man sleeping in his bed.

Okay, maybe the man sleeping in his bed.

Snorting, Matt shook his head at himself and muttered, “Don’t be such a coward, Murdock.”

But he was, at least when it came to his heart. He’d reached out to Elektra and look what had happened. First she’d tried to kill him, then she’d disappeared on him. That still hurt. And his Dad was the biggest heartache of all, even after so many years. Matt knew that he could trust Ben with his secret, but his heart was something else again. And that was exactly what Ben was asking for, even if he hadn’t come right out and said it.

When they’d been having dinner, when he’d gone on about how he trusted Matt’s judgment…that had affected Matt a lot. Still did, especially now that doubts were seeping back into him. What made him different from the man who’d shot him and killed Larry? What made him so fucking righteous? Who made him Judge, Jury, and Executioner in certain cases? Sure, he knew when someone was lying, but what gave him the right to visit his own form of justice on them?

That was the whole lesson that Father Everett had been trying to instill, but it hadn’t needed to take root because Matt already knew it by heart. He’d learned it the very first time he’d killed someone, years ago, an event that he’d never forgotten, and never would, no matter how much time passed. To do what he did, he needed very clear lines of right and wrong and justice and though he was always plagued by doubts, by his lack of faith, something or someone always came through and gave him back his faith.

It had been Elektra, that last time, but what would see him through now? Could he trust Ben enough to let the reporter carry him through this particular crisis? He wanted to, God he wanted to, but he wasn’t sure. There was still so much about the older man that he didn’t know, so much that was still a mystery.

The throbbing in his shoulder and arm started to get out of control, so he sighed and flicked the open button, waiting until it slid all the way out before he sat up, water sluicing off his suit like it was supposed to do. Hissing in pain, Matt climbed out of the tank and ambled slowly towards the bathroom. Getting out of the suit was going to be a bitch.

“Need some help?”

Jumping in surprise, Matt automatically whirled around, his good arm snapping out to grab Ben by the throat and shove him against the nearest wall before he even realized he was moving. Instantly releasing the other man, he apologized, “Sorry, I’m sorry, you startled me.”

Ben coughed a little and answered, slightly strained, “Remind me not to sneak up on you.”

“Don’t sneak up on me,” Matt obliged, his lips twisting into a grin.

“Thanks. So, you need some help?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

They walked to the bathroom and Matt groaned softly as the suit was stripped off him. Ben’s hands were sure and impersonal, something he very much appreciated, and it took far less time to get him out, than it had to dress him in it. When he was bare, he said, “I’ve got it from here, thanks.”

“You sure?”

Catching the teasing tone, Matt nodded. “Yeah, thanks.”

“My loss.”

Matt flushed a little at the appreciative tone and closed the door as soon as he heard Ben leave. It had been a while since anyone had admired him like that, with a mix of lust and a hint of need. He turned the faucet on and cracked his neck, groaning in relief at the loosening pressure on his spine. He pulled out the right mix of painkillers, knowing his own body far better than any doctor could, and crunched them into dust. Grimacing at the bitter, metallic taste, he washed them down with some water, then turned and pulled on his robe.

Heading for the main room, he listened intently and heard fingers on a keyboard. Surprised, he questioned, “When did you have time to get your laptop?”

“You’ve been asleep for fourteen hours, Matt. I had plenty of time,” Ben answered, dry. “I’m lucky I catch five hours a night.”

“How’d you get back into the apartment?” Matt asked curiously.

“Ah, well, I propped the door open. But don’t worry, I paid a local kid to keep an eye on the place while I was gone. He didn’t steal too much.”

Matt frowned at the completely serious tone of voice. “You are joking, right?”

Laughing, Ben confirmed, “Yes, Matt, I’m joking. I had a friend of mine drop off a spare laptop from the Herald so I could get some work done.”

“Don’t tease a blind man,” Matt scolded, another reluctant grin twitching to life as he walked towards the kitchen.

“I’ll make a mental note.”

“Do that.”

Ben’s chuckles followed him into the other room, but they died an abrupt death, as if he’d remembered something, so Matt turned and asked, “What’s wrong?”

“I ah, I forgot. You’ve got a message from your client’s sister. I let the machine pick up so I heard the whole thing. You might want to give it a few days space before listening to it. The gist is that she’s sorry you were hurt and hopes you can make it to the funeral, which is tomorrow, by the way.”

Steeling himself, Matt changed course and moved to the answering machine, touching the button. There was a brief message from Franklin, asking him to call when he woke up. That one, Ben had picked up on and there was a short conversation where Ben promised that Matt would call as soon as he woke up. After that were a few reporters calling for quotes and interviews, of which he deleted every single one.

Lastly was the message from Marie and not ten seconds into the crying woman’s message, Matt knew that Ben had been right. He should’ve waited a few days before listening to it. But he forced himself to hear the entire thing, knowing she deserved at least that.

“Hey, right behind you,” Ben murmured.

Grateful for the warning, wiping at his runny eyes and nose with the back of his hand, Matt accepted the hesitant arm that slid along his waist. Ben pressed up against him from the back, surprisingly solid in his embrace, both arms twining around him, the fingers lacing together to rest on his stomach. Ben’s cheek lay against Matt’s shoulder, not quite reaching the back of his neck, but the height difference didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was the comfort seeping into him from the careworn man holding him.

The endless message finally ended and when it did, Matt didn’t move. Found that he couldn’t, his feet frozen in place and his throat closed and hot with unshed tears. Most of her message had been worry for him, even through her own grief, and that slipped under his defenses as nothing else could have.

Matt wasn’t sure where or when it started, but he was suddenly shaking, the events all the way back to Kingpin and Elektra overwhelming him all at once. His knees buckled and he cried out in pain, his heart tearing in two as his knees hit the floor, his fall slowed by Ben’s arms around him. He shook with sobs, the unwelcome purging taking him by storm and buffeting him around like so much jetsam on the ocean.

Through it all, Ben held him, steady and soothing, comfort bequeathed from the strong arms around Matt’s shoulders. Warm lips pressed to his head and throat over and over. Soft words that he couldn’t really understand filled the air, barely audible over his harsh sobbing. By the time he couldn’t shed another tear, Matt was sprawled over Ben’s thighs, just trying to hang on until his body finished betraying him.

Reaching up without moving, Matt was shocked to feel the wetness of tears on Ben’s face as well. That, for some strange reason, comforted him most of all as he drifted into an exhausted sleep.

* * * *

Ben had never seen such an outpouring of emotion in his life and he got a little scared towards the end when Matt didn’t seem to be letting up. His legs were cramped in the awkward position and his back grew sore from bending over the taller man to hold him, but the discomfort barely registered. All he could do was hang on and try to reassure Matt with the contact and meaningless words.

It was a lot more than reaction to his client’s death, Ben knew that without being told. He had the sneaking suspicion that Matt had never let himself grieve for anyone or anything; his Dad’s death, the loss of his vision, the battles he waged nightly, his heart being broken… All of it would take a toll and Matt seemed the type to push all of that away to deal with later, only later, of course, never came.

Finally, finally the wracking shudders and tears slowed and then stopped. Matt lay quiescent on his lap for a few minutes before a blind hand reached up to cup his face. Ben cradled it in his own, but didn’t resist when Matt pulled it away. Shifting with a groan as pained muscled made themselves known, Ben stretched his legs out. He tugged the other man into a better position, just barely managing it before Matt succumbed to emotional exhaustion.

Wiping his face clear on a sleeve, Ben sighed shakily. He wondered, not for the first time, what the hell he was playing at, getting involved with someone even more emotionally closed off than he was. But as his fingers combed through the short, thick hair, and soothed at the frown lines on Matt’s temple, Ben knew that he didn’t really have a choice.

Something about Daredevil had called to him years ago, when the first sightings made their way up the information food chain. He’d been drawn to the almost mythical figure and done his best to unravel the identity of the man beneath the mask. And then, on a strangely parallel course, Matt Murdock had come to his attention as ‘the blind lawyer from Hell’s Kitchen,’ when the young man had lost a case against a vicious crime lord. The same crime lord who’d wound up dead via Daredevil two nights later.

That had been his first real insight into Daredevil’s potential identity. Ben had gone to watch the lawyer in action the following week. He’d been fascinated by the passion and naiveté Matt had put into his arguments, almost enthralled by the way the young man had woven a spell with his words in the tiny, cramped courtroom. People were actually listening to him, hardened, jaded people had responded to his appeals. The tall, lithe body, the easy grace and certainty of movement had spoken to Ben of a physical assurance rarely seen in a seeing person, let alone a blind man.

He’d been…intrigued…and there wasn’t a lot that intrigued Ben Urich anymore.

Matt shifted, mumbling in his sleep and Ben resumed his touches, rubbing the long, muscled back and wondering what it would be like to have all that power and strength focused solely on himself. What it would be like to be pinned down in the best of ways and not given any mercy as his body was taken in every way possible.

Shuddering with sudden need, Ben forced those thoughts away, concentrating only on the wreck of a man currently sprawled over him. It wasn’t like Matt had given any kind of indication that he was attracted to him, after all. And really, what was there to be attracted to? He wasn’t nearly even close to Matt’s match, physically, wasn’t in the prime of his life anymore. He was bald, even if he had shaved most of it off himself, and while he knew Matt wasn’t that shallow, he felt…inadequate, if he was being honest.

Ben sighed and muttered, “Honesty is the best policy, even when it sucks rocks.”

* * * *

The funeral was practically a media event and for the first time, Ben was on the other side of the camera and questions. He knew a lot of faces in the crowd lining the sidewalk, but ignored all of them, concentrating only on Matt and whatever he needed. Nelson was on Matt’s other side, the two of them flanking him protectively as they left the church and aimed for the main car.

Marie had insisted on Matt and Nelson being part of the funeral party since they’d gotten to be pretty tight with Larry during the course of the case, and Ben went wherever Matt was. He waited for Matt and Nelson to get in the car before climbing in himself, sighing a little in relief when the door closed and the shouts were cut off.

A slight, red-headed woman in her thirties, Marie was quiet and pale, her eyes big and blue in a face drawn tight with pain. She sat opposite them, with Nelson, and Ben looked away from her, out the tinted window to the streets they drove through. It had been a long time since he’d been in a funeral procession and even though he didn’t personally know the deceased, it was nice to see the respect as cars pulled over and stopped at traffic lights that the limo didn’t have the right of way for.

New Yorkers were a lot of things, but disrespectful of the dead, they weren’t.

Long fingers rested just above his knee and Ben jumped a little, startled by the contact. Matt had barely spoken two words to him since the collapse the day before, and he certainly hadn’t touched him. There hadn’t been any order to leave, though, so Ben had stuck around, talking to Nelson on the phone and arranging for the car and getting instructions on when and where to be.

Ben had silently made supper and left it beside the bed where Matt had curled up after they’d crawled up off the floor. He’d worked half-heartedly on a few articles, but really just sat and watched Matt, making sure he didn’t need anything.

Looking down at the callused, strong hand like it was a foreign object for study, Ben hesitated a few seconds, then covered it with his own. Glancing over at Matt revealed nothing of what the other was thinking, and he sighed a little. Not like the man was easy to read under good circumstances or anything, but his face could have been carved from stone.

Then Matt leaned in close as his hand turned over to lace their fingers together and whispered in Ben’s ear, “Thanks.”

Canting his head towards Matt’s, Ben felt the brush of lips over his cheek before the other man pulled away entirely, sitting straight again. Their hands, however, remained linked until they reached the cemetery. Outside the car, Ben was again surprised when Matt wrapped his hand around Ben’s arm, as he had on their date the other night. He was hit with a sense of vertigo as he realized that it had been less than a week since that night, only five days.

It was a Catholic ceremony and the words spoken by the priest washed over Ben in a blur of sound. The only thing he was really conscious of, was Matt’s hand in his as they sat in the front row before the casket. He knew that the pictures being snapped of them were going to have captions questioning his and Matt’s involvement but didn’t even care. He’d never written an article on Matt, well, not one that he hadn’t deleted anyhow, and had no plans of doing so in the future.

His editor was sure to be cursing at him for his involvement since it was cheating them out of any number of stories that could be written from the false arrest to the killing on the courthouse steps to the nutjob behind the shooting. It wasn’t something that Ben really thought about, though, not as his palm was lightly traced out by an exploring thumb. It was probably a really big sin to be half-hard at a funeral, but the barely-there caress was driving him crazy.

When it was over and the receiving line began, Ben spotted Elektra lingering on the far side of the cemetery and stiffened.

Matt instantly picked up on it and leaned in to whisper, “What’s wrong?”

Keeping his voice as neutral as he knew how, Ben answered softly, “Your girl’s here.”

Disbelief skittered across Matt’s face and he asked, “Elektra?”

“Yeah. You want me to bring you over?”

“I should stay with Marie,” Matt said, wavering. “Could you…”

Knowing what Matt was asking, even as his heart sank at the request, Ben assured him, “I’ve got it covered.”

“Thank you.”

The heartfelt words were enough to further stab through his heart, but Ben just gripped Matt’s shoulder briefly and left the gravesite. He bypassed the throngs of reporters, walking along the edge of the crowd, and reached Elektra only a minute later. She was beautiful, as always, dressed in a simple black dress and an expensive coat to ward against the cold air.

“How is he?” she asked, blue eyes lingering on Matt.

Ben shrugged. “He’s doing okay. He heals fast. You going to disappear on him again, or can you hang around for ten minutes until he’s done?”

Elektra flinched at the words, though his tone was mild enough. Meeting his eyes, she said, “I left him a message.”

“Oh that’s good. Always nice to stomp on someone’s heart by way of a message,” Ben snapped. He stopped and took a breath, then apologized, “Sorry. That was out of line. Look, he’s a little…fragile right now. Might not look it, might not act it, but one wrong word from you and he’s gonna shatter. And this time, I might not be able to put the pieces back together again.”

Sharp eyes searched his face as she observed, “I hadn’t realized the two of you were close friends.”

There was more question in it than the obvious, but all Ben said was, “Just be careful with him, okay?”

Elektra nodded and walked away from him, towards Matt who was heading their way. Thankfully, Ben noted, the other reporters were leaving him alone. Pulling out a cigarette, he lit it and inhaled the acrid smoke, letting it fill his lungs completely before exhaling. He watched as the two young people talked, snorting in disgust at the fact that he could call them ‘young people.’

Shaking his head, he muttered, “Gettin’ old, Urich.”

It was painful, but Ben forced himself to keep looking as Elektra and Matt talked. The body language was all out of whack: Matt was both submissive and defensive, while Elektra was guilty and accusing. It was enough to give him a headache and he couldn’t even hear what they were saying. They looked good together though, there was no doubt about that. Matt and Elektra complemented one another in ways he could barely stand to verbalize.

Turning away at last, he took another drag on the cigarette and found Nelson walking over to him. There was an almost angry expression on the burly man’s face as he arrived and demanded, “What the hell does she want?”

Ben shrugged. “You got me.”

“And you’re just going to let her waltz back in here like nothing happened?”

“It ain’t up to me, is it?”

“It probably could be, if you pushed.”

Surprised by the other man’s blunt words, Ben sighed, scrubbing his fingers over the back of his neck. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Nelson demanded.

Helpless for an explanation that wouldn’t sound completely insane, he finally landed on, “It’d be taking advantage.”

Nelson stared at him for a long second then snorted. “I thought Matt was the last Boy Scout, but I guess he’s got company.”

“Not that they’d take either of us,” Ben commented, dry, his gaze returning to the tableau only ten meters away. His lips twisted sourly as he thought, So close and yet so fucking far away.

* * * *

“How long are you going to be in town?” Matt asked, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume.

He heard Elektra shifting around before she answered, “Well, that depends.”

“On?”

“On you. I wasn’t sure what kind of reception I would get.”

Matt nodded, not having much else to do and not sure what to say. Not sure what he could say, really. He still loved her and still wanted her, but could feel the weight of Ben’s eyes on him.

“The, the papers didn’t say how badly you were hurt, but I didn’t want to just call out of the blue, it didn’t seem right,” Elektra continued softly.

He offered a faint smile as he assured her, “I’m fine. I’ll be back on the streets in a few days.”

“How are you doing otherwise?”

There was just the faintest hesitation between ‘doing’ and ‘otherwise,’ which told him that she was worried about him. Her voice was warm and concerned, but only mildly so. It was more like someone asking after an acquaintance than an ex-lover, but for the hesitation. Unable to hold it back any longer, he blurted out, “Come back, Elektra, please!”

“Matt, I can’t…it’s, it’s too soon,” she answered, a hitch in her voice. “I just, I need some more time. Can you give me that? I do love you, I’m just…confused and mixed-up.”

“What you really mean, is that you can’t forgive me for not being able to save your father that night and hiding who I was from you,” Matt countered harshly.

“No, that’s not it!”

But that was it, at least in part. He heard the lie in her words of denial. It might be something they could overcome, but not if she wouldn’t even admit to it. And that hurt a lot. To know that there wasn’t anything he could do to win her back and that through no real fault of his own, he’d lost her to circumstance. Sighing, he asked, “When are you leaving?”

“Matt…”

“When are you leaving?”

She sighed as well. “I have a shareholder meeting here in the city tomorrow, but nothing after that.”

Nothing to keep her here after that, she means, he thought bleakly. Certainly not me.

Feeling colder than even the January temperatures warranted, his stomach clenched with a sick feeling of numbness, Matt shivered and said, “So we should just say good-bye here, then.”

“I guess so, yes,” she agreed slowly. “If, if you ever need anything, just call me, Matt, please. If there’s ever anything I can do for you, my number hasn’t changed.”

Which was probably more than he had a right to expect, even if it was a far cry from what he wanted. Only a little ironic, he replied, “At least we can be friends.”

“Good-bye,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him soft on the lips.

Holding her tight, he deepened the kiss. She responded for a few seconds before pulling free and walking away. His lips twisted as he said, “Good-bye.”

* * * *

The crunch of snow underfoot was an almost unfamiliar sensation as Matt walked through the cemetery. In the city, the streets and sidewalks were clear before people were up and ready to go outside. But here, the snow lay undisturbed for the most part, and a good four inches deep. The cold seeped into his feet through the dress shoes, which were no match for the elements, and his breath stung his lungs with its sharp, crispness. Even the sound of traffic was muted, this deep into the graveyard.

His cane picked out a stone bench and he wiped it clear of the snow to sit down. His life was definitely not turning out how he’d expected it to, when he’d even thought to have expectations. The woman he’d loved was gone, definitively so now, and in her place was…was what? Nothing? No one? A life spent alone as he fought the same fights every night, with little to no success, and went home to an empty apartment?

“You’re gonna get brain freeze if you stay out here too long.”

Ben’s words prompted a smile to tease at his lips and Matt canted his head in the other man’s direction. “How do you know that’s not what I’m trying to do?”

“Well, I don’t of course, but if you’re going for brain freeze, Ben&Jerry’s is a much better way to go about it,” Ben replied, sitting beside him.

“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”

“Nelson’s gone back to the wake with Marie. I told them we’d catch up.”

“Why do you always call him by his last name?” Matt asked curiously.

Chuckling, Ben answered, “Because A) it pisses him off, and B) I can’t take anyone named Franklin seriously. Well, and not that his insistence on alligators in the sewers helps that any.”

Matt laughed and observed, “He’s going to haul off and belt you one of these times.”

“Nah. He’s a pussycat. Besides, I’ve got protection,” Ben said slyly, nudging him with his shoulder.

Smiling still, Matt nudged him back. “Thanks for sticking around.”

“Hey, I love hanging around cemeteries in the freezing cold. It’s one of my favorite activities,” Ben teased. “That and getting the crap beat out of my by psychotic felons.”

“Life on the edge,” Matt observed.

“Mmm. You said it.”

They were silent for a while and Matt listened to the steady, strong rhythm of Ben’s heart, finding it soothing in some fashion he couldn’t explain. Apropos of nothing, he said, “I think I need a vacation.”

There was a startled pause before Ben answered, “Okay. You won’t get any argument from me, but what’s the impetus for this sudden yen to travel?”

“Who said anything about traveling? Have you seen my bank account?” Matt countered, snorting. “I think I just need to take a few days off.”

“From…?”

“Everything.”

“Ah. Yeah, okay, I can see that as a good thing. I got work I need to catch up on anyhow. Not having Daredevil to write about for a few days will give me some space to actually do it.”

Matt hesitated then said, “‘Everything’ doesn’t include you.”

He could practically hear the wheels turning in Ben’s mind as he took in the clarification.

“What about your girl?”

It hurt to admit, never mind to say, but Matt explained, “She’s not my girl anymore.”

“Matt, I don’t want to be your rebound fling,” Ben said slowly. “I don’t want to be a fling at all.”

That possibility hadn’t even occurred to him and Matt assured him hastily, “You wouldn’t be, you aren’t! I think I knew, I mean, I did know that Elektra wasn’t going to come back. I don’t know what you see in me, I mean, you’re way out of my league, but if you want to give this a shot, well, I know I do.”

“Out of your…” Ben’s incredulous words trailed off.

Unexpectedly, the reporter started laughing; deep, loud, belly laughs that caused him to shake and brought up a confused smile on Matt’s face.

When Ben finally stopped laughing, he said, amidst gasps for breath, “We’re a pair, Murdock, don’t you ever think any different. We are definitely a pair. Yeah. I want to give this a shot, Matt. I haven’t wanted anything, or anyone, like this in a long time.”

A hand cupped his face and Matt willingly turned in his direction, lips opening in anticipation. For a long moment, he could feel the warm breath from Ben on his mouth, and then they were on him. It was a long, slow kiss, exploring and open. Matt’s hand moved to hold the back of Ben’s neck, keeping him in place and taking control of the kiss early on.

The light caress of tongue to tongue took him almost by surprise, but he hummed in approval and went deeper into the willing mouth. Shivering with heat instead of cold, feeling the block of ice in his stomach starting to melt, Matt got more aggressive. He devoured Ben’s mouth, feeding on it and using his other hand to grip Ben’s thigh, rubbing it suggestively.

Ben broke free of the kiss, panting and gasping, and Matt could feel the shudders running through the other man’s body. Resting his forehead against Ben’s, Matt whispered, “Making out here is probably a bad idea.”

“Reporters?”

“Dead people.”

“Same diff.”

Grinning, Matt ran his fingers over Ben’s face and felt his echoing grin with, “Let’s go to the wake and then we’ll head home.”

Ben kissed the fingers that lingered over his mouth and agreed, “Yeah, sounds good.”

* * * *

The wake was enlightening and torturous for Ben.

Enlightening because he got to see Matt in a casual setting, well, mostly casual, and watching him interact with Nelson and Marie and a host of other people Ben didn’t know was…nice. No goons trying to beat him up. No one’s fate depending on his words. No pressure to do anything except relax and talk with people who weren’t looking for anything from him.

Torturous because Matt seemed determined to drive him crazy with faint, knowing smiles aimed his way. It was like he knew exactly where Ben was at all times, and really, he wouldn’t put it past the other man’s abilities. How else could he fight people trying to kill him if he didn’t have some way of knowing where they were?

He didn’t know what had gone down specifically between Matt and Elektra and even though he was reaping the benefits, it made him nervous. Matt had denied the rebound thing, but who knew for sure? No one. It was enough to start his ulcer churning, the uncertainty of it all. And this was where trust played a big part. He knew that Matt would never intentionally hurt him or lie to him.

“I didn’t know that you knew Mr. Murdock so well, Ben.”

Stiffening at the all too familiar voice, Ben forced a smile and turned to face Libby Welsh, not-so-fondly known as The Barracuda in his professional circles. “Hey, Libby, how’s it hanging?”

The perfectly manicured, well-dressed woman’s smile thinned at the greeting, her blue eyes turning icy as she replied, “Bigger and better than yours, probably.”

Ben snorted. “What do you want, Libby? As far as I know, reporters have been banned from being here.”

“And yet, here you are,” Libby observed.

Shrugging, Ben replied, “I know Murdock and Nelson. Thought they could use the support.”

She smirked and countered, “Taking the phrase, ‘hand-holding,’ to a new and improved level, Ben? That’s hardly your style. I don’t see any vigilantes hanging around, after all. I hope Riley isn’t expecting a story out of all this.”

“Back off, Libby,” Ben warned darkly. “This is none of your business. Let these people grieve in private.”

Raising her hands, her tone conciliatory, Libby said, “I have an appointment with Ms. Wilcox for an interview.”

“Today?”

“I leave the country tomorrow.”

“So there is some good news.”

Lips twisting at the insult, Libby replied, “Insult me all you want, Ben, but I’m not the one…soliciting…a story out of an injured and grieving man.”

Ben had never wanted to hit a woman so bad in his life as right then. And then, suddenly, a strong hand clamped down on his shoulder, Matt’s hand, he instinctively knew, and the other man said from behind, “Your information is mistaken, Ms. Welsh. Ben and I have been seeing each other for a few months now.”

Which, technically, is true, Ben agreed silently. Just not how she thinks.

“Is that so,” Libby replied. “And there’s been no whisper of this because…”

“I can’t imagine why anyone would take an interest in either of our love lives. I’m a lawyer who does mostly pro-bono work and Ben’s a reporter. Hardly material for the gossip or social pages,” Matt countered easily.

Her sharp blue gaze flickered between the two of them and even though Ben tried to give nothing away, he wasn’t a real good poker player. Not like Matt, who stared directly at Libby, without seeming to actually see her. It either disconcerted her or satisfied her enough to stand from the sofa where she and Ben were and say, “I suppose that’s true enough, but that’s going to be changed now.”

Waving his hand negligently, Matt took her seat, stretching a long arm behind Ben and resting a hand at the base of his neck. Nimble fingers massaged at the tension and, despite himself, Ben started to relax. “I doubt it. There will be another tragedy tomorrow or the next day and we’ll be forgotten. I suggest you speak with Marie before someone gets the impression that you’re bothering the guests and you have to leave without that interview.”

And it was definitely a promise, not a threat, in Matt’s voice.

Ben’s eyes widened in surprise. He wanted to make some kind of protest, but the hand on him tightened almost imperceptibly and he stayed silent.

An unpleasant smile surfaced on Libby’s normally pretty face as she digested that and replied, “I’ll go find her now. Well, Ben, it’s been…informative. I’ll see you around.”

As soon as she was gone, Ben groaned and turned to Matt, pressing his face against the taller man’s shoulder. “I am officially dead meat in her books. Thanks, Matt.”

Matt chuckled and put his arm all the way around his shoulder, drawing him in close and kissing his throat before saying, “She’s a piece of work.”

“That’s why we call her Barracuda,” Ben confirmed, sighing and relaxing into the embrace. It was nice to be taken care of for a change, even though he should be doing that for Matt. He sat up and asked, “What brought you over here, anyhow? Are you okay?”

“I was keeping an ear on you and heard you get upset.”

“From across the room? How good is your hearing?”

“Good enough.”

Grinning at the complacent answer, Ben said, “I’ll remember not to insult you under my breath then.”

“Not if you don’t want to be sleeping on the couch. Well, figuratively speaking since I don’t have one,” Matt replied, smirking.

Ben looked around and noticed that some of the people were clearly uncomfortable with their PDA, even as mild as it had been, and sighed. Oh yeah. Why do things the easy way in life?

Quiet, Matt asked, “What’s wrong now?”

Shaking his head, Ben explained, “Just homophobia rearing its ugly head. Don’t worry, nothing overt. Just some looks.”

“Tough shit for them.”

Ben was startled by the hard tone. “Matt, take it easy. It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, it is, but I’ll let it slide this time. For you,” Matt conceded. “Come on. Let’s go home. I’ll just say good bye to Marie and Franklin and meet you at the front door, okay?”

Nodding, Ben hesitated, then kissed him swiftly on the lips before standing. It was worth the heat of embarrassment to see the broad grin surface on Matt’s face.

“You go, Ben. I’ll make a revolutionary out of you yet,” Matt teased, also standing.

Ben snorted. “Fat chance. I’ll see you at the door.”

Still grinning, Matt turned and made his way through the thinning crowd. Ben watched him go, then headed for the front door. It was going to be a long, interesting night and he couldn’t wait to get back to Matt’s apartment.

No, that wasn’t right…

Ben couldn’t wait to get home.

* * * *

Matt pounced on Ben the second they got inside his apartment, seizing his lips in a hard kiss and pushing his tongue into the other man’s mouth.

Ben responded enthusiastically, then suddenly pulled away and gasped, “Wait! Stop!”

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked immediately, worried.

There was movement and then Ben said, “Nothing. Just had to take off my glasses.”

A little embarrassed at how he’d jumped on the other man, Matt apologized, “Sorry.”

Chuckling, Ben replied, “Don’t be. It’s damn sure flattering, believe you me.”

Relieved, Matt resumed his oral assault and Ben groaned into it, opening his mouth and holding on to Matt’s coat as he was crowded against the wall. Surrounding the smaller man with his arms, not letting up on the kiss, Matt pushed his leg between Ben’s, rubbing against his groin and provoking another groan.

The hands on his coat yanked at the fabric, and Matt obliged by shrugging out of it, letting it fall to the floor. Ben pulled up his shirt, hand sliding under to grip the flesh beneath in a strong caress. Moving his mouth from Ben’s, he bit sharply at the juncture of his throat then sucked at it. Ben moaned in response, sliding down the wall a couple of inches. Taking the opportunity, Matt moved his hands to Ben’s ass, pulling him back up and flush against him, returning to his new lover’s mouth for a long, sweet kiss that left them both breathless.

He turned them around and started walking Ben towards the bed, living for the way Ben kissed him back. It took longer than usual to get to the bed because his normal coordination was gone, sacrificed to his focus on Ben, so they kept bumping into furniture on the way there. Clothes got in the way, too, so Matt gripped Ben’s dress shirt and ripped it open, buttons flinging everywhere.

Ben hissed in shock, breaking the endless kiss to exclaim, “Fuck! God, that’s hot!”

Laughing softly, Matt nipped at his chin and promised, “We’re just getting started.”

“Wait, Matt, what about your arm? We shouldn’t do too much to strain it,” Ben abruptly protested.

Matt thought about it for a second, checking his arm and shoulder by rolling it backwards and forwards. Feeling only a relatively minor twinge, he silently thanked his altered biology for the typically fast recovery, said, “I’m fine,” and dove back into Ben’s mouth.

By then, they’d reached the bed and, slinging an arm around Ben’s waist, Matt leaned them onto it, cradling the other man on his way down. He left the welcoming mouth to trail a path of kisses down the exposed chest. Running his hands over Ben, he found the other man comfortingly solid, if not overly muscled, and slowly traced out every part of his lover’s torso. Ben shifted restlessly under his touch, but submitted to the inspection.

“What’s with the rain?”

The question startled Matt and he quirked an eyebrow up at Ben. “What?”

“The rain. It was like you could really see me,” Ben asked, his tone insistent.

Not sure where he was going with it, Matt explained, “The water falling on you, the audio waves of the impact, it outlines you, so I can see you, though it’s not like a real image.”

“Shower next then.”

Matt grinned. “I like how you think, Ben.”

“I should hope so.”

Laughing softly at the dry tone, Matt returned to his explorations, determined not to let the other man distract him again. He had the suspicion that Ben was uncomfortable about his body for some reason, though there was nothing wrong with him as far as Matt could tell. Matter of fact, everything felt really, really right. This time, it was his lips and tongue that traced out Ben’s body, his hands busy undoing the belt and zipper, then pulling the pants and boxers down.

The salty skin was rough under his tongue and he moved unerringly for a nipple, sucking at it and grinning around the flesh when Ben moaned and arched into him. Fingers laced into his hair, holding almost painfully tight, but he didn’t relinquish his prize for a few more minutes and then, only to repeat the torment on Ben’s other nipple.

“Shit! Matt, please,” Ben groaned, tugging at his hair.

Matt finally followed Ben’s pull and found himself on the receiving end of a possessive, hungry kiss, the other man devouring his mouth. A strong arm slung around his neck to keep him in place and Matt shifted so he could rub against Ben’s hard cock. Ben gasped at the contact, the fabric of Matt’s pants sure to be rough against his bare skin.

“Off!” Ben ordered, tugging at the offending material.

Smiling against Ben’s mouth, Matt backed off the bed and shucked his clothes in short order. He heard Ben doing the same and then the jump-start of Ben’s heart, as though in fear, and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

Lust was thick in his voice as Ben answered, “Not a God damned thing. You’re fucking perfect is all. You sure you want someone like me?”

And there it was, the uncertainty and, yes, inadequacy, underlying the heat and need in Ben’s quasi-joking tone. If he wasn’t so skilled at identifying the nuances of people’s tones, he wouldn’t have heard it at all. He climbed back on the bed, feeling around until he encountered Ben’s leg. Following the long line of it up, Matt got into position and straddled the other man, sitting on Ben’s hips and feeling the hard length of his cock against his body.

Rubbing his hands over Ben’s solid abs, then sifting his fingers through the chest hair, he chose his words carefully and said, “I am more than sure of it, Ben. You’re…incredible, not to sound corny or anything. I don’t know where this lack of confidence is coming from, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re perfect.”

Ben snorted and pointed out, “You’re blind, Matt.”

“I saw what I needed to and I can feel the rest right here, with my hands,” Matt stated, glad to hear a willingness to be convinced in Ben’s voice. Smirking, he added, “Besides, you know what they say about bald men…unless you don’t come by it naturally?”

Laughing outright as Matt swiped a hand over the bare pate, Ben answered, “Half and half.”

“Good enough for me,” Matt leered, reaching back to grasp the hard cock behind him.

Ben groaned and muttered, “The age difference alone is going to kill me.”

Still grinning, Matt let go and dipped forward, again painting Ben’s chest with his tongue, only this time continuing his journey south. He breathed in the strong, masculine scent and nosed around the balls, enjoying the gasping moans elicited from Ben. He traced out the entire area with his mouth and tongue until Ben was arching and bucking under him, then sucked the hard length into his mouth.

Ben shouted and would have pushed his cock in deeper except for the arm that Matt had across his hips, pinning him down. He worked the other man ruthlessly, eager to taste the very essence of his lover. When Ben came, it was hard and fast, the besieged man shouting again and shuddering through his orgasm. Matt swallowed most of the seed, some of it spilling outside his mouth when he pulled off to breathe.

Collapsed on the bed, breathing heavy, Ben didn’t move when Matt crawled up him and stretched out alongside. A limp hand cradled his face as Ben said, “Christ, Matt, I haven’t spilled that fast in a long time. You drive me nuts.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Matt teased, nuzzling at his throat and gently tweaking a nipple.

“Yeah, it was meant as one,” Ben confirmed, his breathing calming down. “What about you, what can I do for you?”

Taking a slender earlobe between his teeth, Matt bit it sharply and answered, “I really want to be in you.”

“OhGodyes,” Ben agreed in a rush.

A thrill ran through him at that and he rolled away from Ben towards the nightstand, opening the drawer and snagging condoms and lube. He was almost afraid that the other man would change his mind for some reason. That his terrible luck in the romantic department would suddenly surface and he’d be left high and dry again. When he returned to Ben, he set both items down and reached up to cup Ben’s face and turn it towards him, resuming the kisses that he couldn’t get enough of.

Ben pulled away and gasped, “You’re really driving me nuts here, Matt, come on.”

It only took a minute to get Ben set up with pillows supporting his hips and back. Matt groaned when the other man took his cock in hand and started stroking it. Shuddering at the strong caress, Matt pushed against the tight grip, then took Ben’s hand away and shifted into position between his legs.

Ben hooked his legs around Matt’s waist, drawing him in closer, and Matt poured some lube on his fingers. He felt between Ben’s ass, rubbing his fingers over and around the opening, but not actually penetrating, just getting familiar with the area.

Ben dugs his heels into Matt’s back and ordered impatiently, “Come on, come on!”

Grinning, Matt pushed his finger inside Ben’s body, the lube making things easy. Ben groaned, his legs falling to the side as Matt probed and explored. Using some more lube, he went back with two fingers, testing the tight dimensions, curving his fingers until Ben shouted and jerked in pleasure. Near to desperate by then, Matt opened the condom with shaky fingers and rolled it on himself with one hand, continuing to stretch Ben’s internal muscles with the other.

A few seconds later, he leaned forward, lining his cock up to Ben’s hole. They both groaned as he pushed into Ben, his cock forcing its way inside the tight opening. It took all his willpower not to just thrust forward, to go slow and let his new lover adjust, but he managed it. Panting, he drove his cock into the willing body until he was all the way in, his balls snug against Ben’s ass.

“Holy shit,” Ben panted. “Jesus, Matt, you feel so good in me.”

A breathless chuckle escaped and Matt answered, “Not as good as it feels to me, believe me.”

Ben’s hands ran over his chest, sliding up to grasp the back of his head and comb through his hair. He tugged Matt down and kissed him, slow and wet and nasty, his legs winding around Matt’s hips. Taking that as a sign that Ben was as adjusted as he was going to be, Matt started to move. Slow on the withdrawal, hard and fast on the in-stroke, Matt shifted the angle of his thrusts as he again searched for Ben’s prostate.

“Fuck! Ohshityes!” Ben shouted, arching against him.

Matt kept that same angle as he started fucking Ben in earnest. He was so close, orgasm sizzling at the base of his spine, his balls tight with the need to explode. He couldn’t spare any attention to anything except the driving need to own this man, body and soul. The soul was never a guarantee, but Matt knew he was doing damn fucking good on the body part. He slammed into Ben, over and over, the other man constantly moaning and thrusting his hips down to meet him.

A long, low groan preceded another burst of come from Ben and Matt growled in triumph at the second orgasm splattering on his chest. He completely let go then, jack-hammering into Ben’s limp body until he came, spilling deep inside his lover and jerking against him as his body exploded. Strength fled and he collapsed on top of Ben, his heart a freight-train in his chest.

The world grayed out for a while, though he wasn’t really asleep and hadn’t truly lost consciousness. He just floated on a cloud of such incredible contentment and satiation that Matt couldn’t summon the will to move. Sweaty arms surrounded his shoulders, holding him tight as fingers combed through his hair and soft kisses pressed into his temple, soothing him. He relaxed into the embrace and that was when sleep did claim him.

* * * *

Ben knew he was going to be really damn sore by the time Matt woke and pulled out of him, but couldn’t summon the energy to care. He was still high on Cloud Nine, his mind awash with the image of Matt as he fucked him and came; head thrown back, neck muscles distended, the sweat gleaming on his hard body in the faint light, and his mouth open with ecstasy. It had been an incredible sight and one he wanted to repeat as often as possible.

Sighing deeply, he continued to stroke and soothe Matt while the other slept, unable to stop touching his lover, Ben relished the thick length still buried deep in his body. And how fucking great was it that he could say that again? He couldn’t remember the last time that he’d used the word ’lover,’ and meant it, really meant it.

This changed everything, of course, but Ben was more than ready for a change in his life. Finally letting himself drift, Ben yawned hugely and closed his eyes.

* * * *

Matt couldn’t even say how relieved he was to wake the next morning and find Ben still in his bed. More than just in his bed, his body still held Matt’s and his soft snores were right in his ear, prompting a grin. He debated trying to pull out of Ben while his lover still slept, deciding against it. Nuzzling at the older man’s chin, he said softly, “Wake up, Ben.”

Ben snorted and shifted, but didn’t wake.

Lips pursed, Matt thought about it, then grinned and bit Ben’s ear, causing the other man to twitch and wake, exclaiming fuzzily, “What? Whazzat?”

“Morning, Ben,” Matt greeted cheerfully.

Ben groaned and accused, “You’re a morning person, aren’t you?”

“For the most part.”

“That figures.”

Chuckling, Matt warned, “I’m going to pull out, you ready?”

“Yeah,” Ben agreed.

Even though he was slow and careful, Matt didn’t miss the faint grunts of pain from Ben until he was all the way out. Grimacing in disgust, he pulled off the condom and rolled over to dump it in the basket. Rolling back, he helped Ben scoot under the covers and then tugged the smaller man into his arms. They were silent for a long time and Matt drowsed, his fingers lightly playing over the bare head and massaging the back of Ben’s neck and shoulders.

Out of nowhere, Ben announced, “I think this is love for me.”

Matt blinked in surprise, the sleepy feeling banished by those words. Cautious, he asked, “Love? Are you sure?”

“No, but I don’t want to think of my life without you in it anymore,” Ben replied. “Isn’t that what love is?”

Not quite willing to risk everything so soon, Matt didn’t answer for a few minutes. Finally, he said, “I don’t…I don’t know what this is for me, Ben.”

“Yeah, I know. S’ok. I’m not expecting anything, remember? Whatever you can give.”

“Isn’t that shortchanging yourself?”

“Nah. I’ll be fine. More than fine, really.”

But Matt was frowning as he thought about what the other man was willing to put up with in order just to be with him.

“Hey, I didn’t say all that to get you worked up you know,” Ben said, rubbing his hand over Matt’s chest, then kissing it. “I just, I just wanted to say it.”

And he’d needed to hear it, Matt realized abruptly. He didn’t know what was in store for them, that just wasn’t one of his abilities, but then, no one did. Could he love Ben? Yeah, if he let himself take that risk again. Was it too much, would he tempt fate by saying that he loved this man? Releasing a shaky breath, he whispered, “I think, I could love you.”

Ben’s arm tightened around him at the admission and when he replied, his voice was thick with unspoken emotion. “Take a chance, Matt, just one more time. I won’t let you down.”

More scared than he’d been in a long time, Matt nodded silently, pushing onto his elbows to find Ben’s mouth with his own. He tried to put all the words he couldn’t say into that kiss and when it ended, Ben hooked a leg over him possessively. Lying back down, Matt sighed deeply, winding both arms around Ben again.

It wasn’t going to be easy, Matt didn’t fool himself about that, but it did look like it was going to be…and that was a step in the right direction, he was sure. And maybe…maybe Ben would have faith enough for the both of them.